willowraven's Journal

Hello
Aug 29 2008 14:51

Just dropping by to say "hi" and hope everyone is doing ok.... miss you all and hope you are doing well.

Touching Base
May 13 2008 19:14

Just dropping by with a quick hello and hope everyone is doing ok. I'm hanging in there, taking it one day at a time. We finally got the van fixed this past weekend to the tune of about $200 (eeeeks)... we are still needing to replace one of the tires, driving on the donut at the moment...but other than that the van is driving (riding?) much better!! Unfortunately it was $200 we really couldn't afford, but had no choice.

Been having to share my computer with my son as his laptop died a few months back (the screen cracked and is now unusable). We managed to get a used computer from Wes' aunt that Kris will be using, however we needed to order a RAM stick as the one in there is pretty low (256, I think), so once we get the new one - got it for under $15 - I'll have my computer back more. YAY.

Kids finish up school end of this month. Kris will be an official graduate, and will be able to pick up his diploma on June 4th. Since he was home tutored, he had the option to walk with the graduating class or not - he chose not to since he really didn't know any of the other kids, which I can understand. Rebecca will need to attend summer school for 2 classes in order to pass as she had excessive absences this year (mostly due to illnesses, which were suppose to be excused, and they didn't excuse all of them). I know they are both looking forward to the summer vacation. Not sure what Kris will do once fall arrives - I know he would like to eventually go to college as he wants to write programs for video games. His dream job is to work for SquareEnix (they are the ones who have come up with games like Final Fantasy). He has been a fan of their stuff since SquareEnix was previously known as SquareSoft. This kind of thing is right up his alley too. He has downloaded an RPG Maker (pretty basic, but it helps him to understand how they are made) and he's in the process of making a game of his own with it, including modifications on the characters and other things in the game. I say hey, if it makes you happy, and you're good at it, more power to you! I know this is something he really wants to do, and he has the ability to do it, so I support him in going after it.

I know someone had mentioned - in my comments - about starting up the water challenge again, and honestly, its something I had considered doing, if there are enough people showing an interest in doing it. I'm not sure who the Games mod is anymore, however if it's ok with them, I'd like to give it another go!

I'll be around, and if anyone needs to get in touch with me, either leave a message or email me!

...uhm....
May 02 2008 16:51

::hanging head in shame::

Ok, so... yea... I'm here... feel quite embarrassed because I don't really feel like I have the right to be here. I have messed up SO much - have regained all that weight I worked so hard to lose (and *then* some).... I have fallen into a bad spiral and finding it hard to get myself out of it. In an attempt to at least try and get back on some kind of track, I've been trying to get all my water back in. I know it sounds feeble, however I'm having to do the baby steps all over again, and I'm hoping that once I get the water back under way and where it was before and should be, that maybe I can take the next step.... I hate myself, I hate the way I look, hate my life.... hate everything at this point. So disgusted with myself for letting myself get this far gone and I know I have no one to truly blame but me. Ultimately it was ME who put the food in my mouth, even though I know there were factors that sure in hell didn't help me keep it away. I've been stressed, depressed, an emotional wreck.... April was the 1 yr anniversary of my mother's passing (it's also the month of her birthday)... we also had 2 deaths in the family this year (on Wes' side) and my daughter's honorary aunt passed away in April in 2005. We also had to deal with finding a new place to live, applying for section 8 and public housing, having our van DIE and needing work (which could end up being a couple hundred dollars that we don't have).... the list goes on.

::big sigh::

Anyways..... I wanted to touch base with you all - many of you are probably new to the site and don't know who I am... to the older ones who do know me - BIG HUGS and know that I do miss you and think of you often and wonder how you are all doing, and hoping you are having much more success with your weight loss goals!!

I'll try to be back more often.... I feel so bad. I am sorry to all of those I let down.

Happy Monday
Feb 18 2008 18:26

Just dropping by to wish everyone a Happy Monday and hope all is going well with you.

Happy Valetine's Day
Feb 14 2008 18:28

Just dropping in to wish everyone a very Happy Valentine's Day!

~Chelle/WillowRaven

ARTICLE LINK: 3500 calories = 1 pound?
Sep 28 2007 07:39

I get a newsletter put out by Tom Venuto which arrives in my mailbox weekly. He has a lot of good articles and information about weight loss, exercising and so on. He does NOT advocate low calorie diets. In fact, he advocates the good old-fashioned eating-healthy-and-exercising-for-weight-loss "diet". (Amazing, huh?) He also shares information and articles about recent research done about weight loss. In the newsletter for today he had the following:

3500 Calories To Lose A Pound ... Is This Formula All Wrong?
http://www.burnthefatblog.com/archives/2007/09/3500_calories _to_lose_a_pound.php

I just finished reading the article and I have to say, a lot of it makes a lot of sense. I'm going to actually read it again, later on when I'm more awake, and see if there is any information I can take from it to hone my diet and maybe kick-start me in to losing again.

Have a good day, everyone!

September SUCKS
Sep 22 2007 14:26

I so dread this month. It is a challenging one for me, and I seem to be having an especially difficult time with it - more so than usual. My dad passed away on September 7th, 2002 due to complications from Alzheimer's (hence the reason for the little Alzheimer's smiley on my profile page). He died shortly before his 81st birthday, which would have been September 27th. So I'm getting a sort of double-whammy here. I have been missing him a lot lately, much more than I usually do. He and I were always close, and I was able to talk to him on just about anything. I'm not really sure what's been triggering this, other than the anniversary dates of his passing and birthday. Maybe that's all my emotions and psyche need. Who knows.

On top of this, we have been having a LOT of financial difficulties. We had to get rid of our cell phones as they were getting way beyond what we could afford, however we were able to add a landline to our cable bill for about $85 less than the cell bill. So I'm seeing that as a good thing, however we have a BIG past due bill on the cell which will need to be paid, which means payment plan over the next several months to get it gone. On top of this, we are already in a sizeable negative balance which means less money to work with next month when the checks are deposited. The one plus is that Kris' disability was approved, and they increased it a little bit, so that will help. We are still waiting to hear about Wes' - earliest for that will be November.

My endo's office finally called me earlier this week and decided that I am eating too much "starches", too much "dairy products", too much "fat", too much "sugars" and that I need to severely decrease them... by the time they were done telling me all this, I was down to being able to eat rabbit food and water... if I was lucky. By the time I hung up the phone I was beyond irked. I had even sent my food log, my weight log, my blood glucose readings log - everything - to them, and everything was WAY fine. I have decided (and Wes agrees) that when I go to see my regular doctor on the 27th, that we are going to ask for a referral to another endo. doctor for a second opinion because I firmly believe that this doctor is a quack, and that call cemented my belief. The nurse who was calling on his behalf was telling me about how the starches and sugars were making my blood glucose high (before eating, my readings range from 82-102....after eating, the highest reading was 138) and that "now that you're diabetic" I shouldn't be eating all this stuff, and I told her that my glucose readings were well within normal range, as was my last A1C reading (was was a 5.3, thank you very much!), and she hesitated for a second, and added "well also for weight loss". So in other words, they aren't telling me because of the diabetes, they just think I have no flippin' control! Like I said to Wes, my nutritionist specializes in diabetic patients and menus and if she saw something waaay out of whack, she would have said something. Yes, I have had some questions for her and some very minor things that we discussed and I have worked on, but nothing NEAR what the endo doctor is claiming. Not to mention, my regular doctor doesn't feel I have diabetes to begin with. He said "you may be *pre-diabetic*, but I do not feel that you are diabetic, based on the test results and your symptoms." Oddly enough tho, I am still showing signs for hypothyroidism. ::sighs:: Which makes me really wonder if this endo doctor is behind the times or something? My sister (the one who found me in February) also has hypothyroid and she was telling her doctor about me - my symptoms including the difficulty losing weight and more, and he said "well what thyroid medicine is she on?" and she said "none, they say she doesn't have hypothyroidism" and even he said that was nuts, that just based on what she told him, that it was clear I should be on thyroid medication. So I don't know anymore....

Things have been really tense around here, Wes and I have been 'snippy' with each other... and I'm doing all I can to remain calm and quiet and centered, and it's not working. I haven't even had a lot of motivation or ambition to work on my graphics, I've let my email slide more than usual... I grab a book to read and I can't get more than a paragraph in before I toss it aside because I can't concentrate on it, or I just don't 'feel like reading'.... just feeling really "blah".

Finally, my apologies to those on the water challenge this month. I didn't mean to let it slide - and hopefully you will understand. I asked Jules (united2gether) to update it for me, and then I'll take it over from there, and I will work on the patch for you all for this month. I am truly sorry to all of you, and October should be a LOT better.

May you all have a wonderful weekend - and Happy Autumn (or Mabon - for my pagan friends - or Autumnal Equinox... whichever one you like).

...ack...
Aug 19 2007 19:04

It's official... I am sick. Woke up feeling like I had a touch of the flu, or something - been running to the bathroom and such. My stomach has managed to settle down however I still have the chills and the body aches and monster headache. Just took some more stuff for the headache and body aches and hoping it kicks in soon.

Ack. Hate being sick.