runnabe15's Journal

Oh, so now you notice my bones eh?
Oct 13 2008 18:35

-sigh- i belive the title says it all, and i should admit i've relapsed. not horribly, but enough, i'm under 100 now most mornings, and barely exceed 103 even when chugging water :/ quite honestly? i love it, how horrible is that? i'm thinner then ever and i dont wanna be stopped. but i know i have to.

my dad flipped out and went "you look like a boy, was that guy scott you went to the movies with gay?" LIKE OHMYGOD, jerk much? that basically ruined my night. they also forced me to weigh myself again and were horrified at the fact i lost 3 pounds in two weeks...suuuursly. they took away my laptop (which im sneaking onto), my scale (given, but stole that back too), my mother said i couldnt go to homecoming, nor would she shop with me for a dress (but then, she decided that was a bit too much).

they also said when their new insurance kicks in, they're sending me to renfew, the eating disorder clinic in my area. i can't say i haven't seen this coming for a while, but i still dont feel like i'll belong there, like i'm not that messed up you know?

and this guy i like, scott, is going to ask me out tomorrow. i heard it from my friend who's friends with him. i cant get a boyfriend, and then get shipped off to a clinic in the next month!

i'm just so upset, and quite honestly I DONT WANT TO BE 115 POUNDS AGAIN. which is what they want me at, but i have no confidence and am always depressed at that weight

:(