bananee's Journal

gaining.
Oct 12 2008 09:55

these past two days Ive only gained weight. I dont know if its because of the decrease in exercise, or what. Ive been consuming the same amount of calories, and despite the amount of exericse I had yesterday (30 mins cardio, and 40 minutes strength training), I gained .4 grams, and the day before I had gained .2, so thats makes a total of a half a pound in two days. Im now in 107. Im not upset, but Im wondering if this is gonna keep up...Im scared, and I wasnt able to sleep last night because I keep thinking that Im just gonna keep gaining now on barely 1,600 calories sedentary days. Yesterday I did have more than I had in the entire week tho. I had 1,800 calories, but because I really thought I needed to up the cals because of the exercise I did...but yeah apparently that up in cals made me gain :(. Today Im having 1,600 again and praying that its not gonna make me gain more and more. I dont know either if its water retention since I do feel heavy around the abdomen area, and my bm's havent been that great. I did want to go up to 108, but not without my control and not beyond that poind for now, because I still need to get used to it, and I know Ill freak out and want to relapse :(

so harddddd.

I found some old pics of me when I was 100-103 lbs....geez...I never noticed how boney I looked back then :S it was so strange watchign those pictures and realizing how skinny I really was and how I never even noticed it to be to that extreme....I dont want to be like that again....but I do want to stay where I am.

I know most people agree that a BMI below 19 is underweight, but Ive asked my nutritionist and Ive searched the web some, and 18.5 is the bare minimum.....and 108 puts me right above 18.5....plus I had my period in this weight. I really do want to maintain my weight at 108....but I dont know whats going to happen from now on. I wont fight it ofcourse...but this WILL be very hard.....

wish me luck on this :( I really just want to feel happy, not pressured to get used to a number on the scale

(also Im gaining inches...so this is real weight? or could it just be water weight?? ysterday I was half an inch smaller around my thighs and hips than I am today....dunno what to amke of this....)

blah...I just hope I dont see a gain today...

-xo