hello:]

so i've gained about 20 pounds now since my all time low. its been really difficult going through this. and as much as i would like to blame other people for my "disorders", the only person responsible to letting it get so far, is me. i can lay all the responsibility on myself. i've put myself through such drastic extremes that i think i've felt it from both sides pretty equally. i still wish i were the tiny person i worked so hard to be, and its so hard for me to remember how  unhappy i was at 94 pounds, because its such an appealing number in some cases. but in all honesty, i am a happier person now. i've turned myself around completely, and there's no doubt in my mind that i've accomplished something on my own that a lot of people can't do without the help of others. and that in and of itself is an accomplishment i never thought i would ever be capable of. i'm not going to say i've learned a lot about myself from going through this, because i really haven't. there are no new revelations that i've discovered about myself. but i think i taught myself a few things in the process. things i thought were too big for me. but i haven't changed as a person. and i think that proves that perhaps i do possess the strength it takes.