I am a Quality Assurance Analyst working for a large healthcare company.

I have a 20 year old son who is still trying to find himself.  That is a struggle for me since I was 16 when I had him and worked so hard to get where I am today.  I think we spoiled him very much and he never wanted for anything.   You know that goal that most parents have about making sure their kids have a better life then you?  I am not so sure that's actually the way to go.  I am starting to think that having a tough childhood gives you character and responsibility.  I know we taught him values but when the heck will he grow up and start using him.   Ok so that's my rant about my boy which I do adore btw but get so frustrated. 

I am married to my high school sweetheart, which is very unusual since we had a baby so young.  It seems we've beat the odds but I am not so sure.  My hubby is a very small man weighs at max 150lbs and very healthy.  He has awesome genes you should see his parents.  Anyway besides our son the biggest problem in our relationship is my weight.  I've always struggled with my weight but have been obese for about 15 years now.  He says he feels like he lost his 20-30s because I never cared enough to do anything about my weight.  That if I loved him I'd have done it a long time ago.  Although is also says I shouldn't do it for him.  I dunno it's so confusing.  He is very vain, I am not. 

So I've decided this is the time to get this weight off before I turn 40 I am 37 now 38 in Nov.  But I am trying to be realistic about my weight loss.  I am doing for myself and it is helps my marriage then it's a welcome benefit but I can't concentrate on what the hubby wants.  I've got to find myself.

I am trying to figure out how to find myself.  See I've always been someone's daughter, sister, mother or wife.  I've never really been anything for me.  Now I have to figure out who I am and it's a lot harder then I thought. 

My mother was a single mom.  I was the oldest so I always took care of my sister when mom was working from the time I was about 7.  Mom worked three jobs so I'd pick up my sister after school and take her home feed her and put her to bed.  Mom couldn't afford a babysitter all the time.  So I was almost my sister’s mother by the time she was 2. 

Then I met the hubby and a baby at 16.  My husband was raised the woman takes care of the man so I serve him dinner every night meaning I make his plate and take it to him, iron his cloths, clean the house and so on.  I've been so dedicated to my family I neglected myself. 

So from this point on it's about me and how I can work on myself.