Health & Support

Welcome to BA. My name is Nicole and I'm a binger.

i decided that it could be helpful to have a forum for those of us trying to recover from this evil thing called binge eating disorder (BED). Whenever you have success... post here! Whenever you have struggles... post here! need support to stay out of the cookie jar?.... post here!

i'll be posting my intake of calories everyday in hopes that showing all of you what i eat will keep me from OVER EATING.

anyone with the same struggles??

ok. i had an early dinner tonight which was really kind of a lunch/dinner for my birthday. so tonight when i got home a few hours after dinner i was a little hungry and i started eating cottage cheese, grapes, mushrooms, baby carrots, pretzels with dip, a few bites of some pasta, and a small handful of cereal. yes i am very angry with myself that i went this far but i realize that it's not as bad as it could have been. at least it was pretty healthy. next time i think i will grab something that will take me a little longer to eat, like an apple or a yogurt. wish me luck this week. i wish all of you the same.

i just binged the past two days :( not good. i'm really upset and depressed about it but i'm determined to have a good day tomorrow. hopefully i can do it.

so i never thought it would get as bad as it is. last year i went from being a little consious of the like 4 extra ounds on my hips which was semi normal. so a full throtle anorexic thing and loosing 14 pounds and i was so proud of myself i looked good in everything. then summer came and i was just sitting around doing nothing and i ended up gaining 15 pounds from binging.grrr. now school is back and i'm determined to loose at least 10 again i've lost 4. i just get on these emotional rollercoasters and eat. its aweful. so just about everynight this week i've binged, purged 4 nights. i'm so self consoncious about my body, i can't even wear tight shirts without looking at my lumps every second. (bad lumps, tummy lumps) i tell my mom everything and she can't halp me so she is sending my to a therapist and i don't know what to talk about so she can't help me either. so i'm sol,so i thought this might help. sorry for telling my life story just had to let it out.thanks for listening.

I binged so bad last night! I went to a party and only had 1 guiness and a few chips/pretzels etc. I was doing really well controlling myself, and was really proud of keeping it all in perspective. So what do I do? I get home at 2am and start in. I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich on ww bread, 1.5 packets of peanut butter and cheese crackers, 2 nature valley granola bars, 1 sugar-free chocolate snack pack, 2 saltine crackers, 1 tsp of peanut butter, and a handful of trail mix with raisins, craisins, dried cherries, and sugar-free chocolate-covered raisins and stuff. I felt so gross, but also like I couldn't stop. There was that little voice in the back of my head going, "but you did so well earlier! You can afford this!" The funny part is, I STILL didn't exceed my calories for the day by more than 100 or 200, 300 MAX. That's the only part that's keeping me from really freaking out. I hate when I do this! It's the same every weekend: I'm okay all week, then Saturday or Sunday hits and I binge like there's no tomorrow. I need to break this self-destructive cycle, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Any tips? 

I am so annoyed at myself. Almost every day for five days I've had over 3000 calories. There is no way that I haven't gained weight.

Today I did OK and then came in and had two huge bowls of cereal and two pitta breads. I know it isn't that bad ... but I need to be making up for this week, not eating even more.

I can't explain it, but it's like I want to fail. Only I really, really, REALLY don't!

I've wasted so much money I don't have on food lately and can't focus on any work because I'm thinking about it ... I've even been missing lectures and stuff because I feel too bloated and ill to go.

This just seems to get worse and worse and worse.

I think I might go to the doctors about it ... but I don't see what anyone but me can do ... and I can't imagine I'd be take seriously because I'm not actually ill. Besides, it's so ridiculous!

I can't go on like this, though ...

Oh, i know how annoying it is to binge so much. :*( lately i'll binge one night then i feel so guilty the next day will be under or normal then the night after that i'll binge all over again. :( a normal amount of calories for me is like between 1000-1400, but when i binge i get like 2000-2400 a day. :*( i'm in recovery from anorexia and have been for about 37 days. I can't understand how i can binge when i'm anorexic?! i feel like when i allow myself to eat i eat too much and so when i restrict i eat too little. I think i messed up. :*(

your recovering from anorexia and only getting 1000-1400 calories?
that doesnt sounds like recovering, it sounds like you still are anorexic.
im recovering by eating 2500 calories a day, perscribed by my nutritionist.

but on my binging days i get like 2000-2500. actually today i binged again and got about 2350.  I feel guilty and scared. i know i shouldn't have done it.

what the heck.
are you not trying to recover?

Binging is actually a part of ana recovery, as I've been learning anastruggle. I've been recovering from anorexia/bulimia and I find myself bingeing a lot, especially late at night. I think it's when your body realizes it needs more calories and will do anything to get them that the urge to binge kicks in. I find myself bingeing just before bed when I'm really tired, too tired to try to control what I'm eating. Now, bingeing was part of my disorder to begin with, but for you, it might be that your body is suddenly realizing it's being fed, and wants to get as much food as possible right away because it doesn't trust you to feed it again. Once you get out of starvation mode (maybe by upping your cals a bit?) the urge should stop or lessen at least. That said, I'm still struggling with this too BIG TIME so this advice is all just hearesay. Let's work through it together! I know we can do it, one step at a time.  

torpidire, thanks for the encouragement and you're totally right we can get through this! meal at a time, one day at a time and someday we'll be free from all this fear and struggle.  It's funny though cause when i binge I binge at night too like around 7-8ish and i only binge on one thing. ice cream. there is this one kind of ice cream that is nofat nosugar and so is pretty low in calories, but i end up eating like the entire 1/2gal.  very embarrassing. i tell myself that i am supposed to put on weight (CW 76lbs height 5'1) but still i end up feeling guilty about the binge.

oh, yeah i have a question. how many calories are you, who are in recovery, taking in to put on weight?

anastruggle, you should listen to liosa.

im 5"4 and i was 74lbs, i have to eat AT LEAST 2700 a day to gain 1lb a week.

theres no way in hell youre going to gain on 1400-1500.

and binging dosent have to be part of anorexia recovery, once you start feeding your body the correct amount it needs to start recovering, you wont feel the need to binge anymore, believe me, ive been there, many times.

when yal dinge do nething to make up for it? like workout or restrict your diets the next day?

I always start the day great and I get so close to finishing it great, but at night (especially while I'm doing homework) I'll get a little munchy.  So I'll eat a portioned, healthy snack, like fruit or vegetables or occasionally nuts.  But for some reason -- lack of willpower, poor judgment, whatever -- I will go back a few minutes later for a little more, and a little more, and a little more.  "It's healthy, so it doesn't count."  Even when I feel full, I keep going.  Any suggestions on keeping the muchies under control?

You have to get out of the house. Study lounges, even the night room at the library. If I'm not around food, it does hit me nearly as bad. Take a big nalgene of water to fill up with. Hope that helps.

I've found that staying away from my apartment really helps! I also drink a lot of hot liquids: tea and black coffee mostly, but even just warmed-up water helps. It makes my stomach remember that it IS full and doesn't need to binge, plus it keeps my oral fixation/twitchy hands occupied AND I get my proper hydration. Sounds like a win-win-win situation to me! 

yes. whenever i'm around the house, i just want to eat. tonight i binged on bran flakes...not good but at least healthy :/. ugh i'm sick of this disorder. i'm constantly worried about binging and then i just wind up doing it. i wanted to actually do something worthwhile tonight, but no, i just ended up eating. ugh. i don't think i went over my calories, but i'm still angry. ick. really need to get a plan and stick to it.

"i wanted to actually do something worthwhile tonight, but no, i just ended up eating"

Wow I can relate to that statement mikeiscool....sometimes the guilt can take over me so that I end up doing totally useless things when I can be more productive.
One small mistake or mishap can set me off which can lead to a binge and then a waste of my time as I'm trying to recover.

Ahhh. For the first time in ages I binged! On pasta. It's my nemesis food. It doesn't matter how great my mindset is, I binge on this and feel bloated and yuck.

 That's it! No more pasta for the rest of the month.

ick. barely ate over 400 calories today and came home tonight and just binged...green beans, salad, cottage cheese, cereal, piece of cake, peanuts, mini rice cakes, some noodles and few bites of meatloaf and i want to keep eating :(. at least i don't think i went over my allowance for the day, but i still wish i didn't do this to myself. now i feel so tired and dizzy. will this ever end?