Health & Support

Welcome to BA. My name is Nicole and I'm a binger.

i decided that it could be helpful to have a forum for those of us trying to recover from this evil thing called binge eating disorder (BED). Whenever you have success... post here! Whenever you have struggles... post here! need support to stay out of the cookie jar?.... post here!

i'll be posting my intake of calories everyday in hopes that showing all of you what i eat will keep me from OVER EATING.

anyone with the same struggles??

binged tonight :((( 

100 calorie bar
grapes
bite of leftover wendy's chicken frescata
chicken with rice and peas, couple tomatoes and cucumbers with light ranch 
mushrooms with light ranch 
croutons


should have stopped here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a few baked lays
a few mini rice cakes (3 or 4)
cereal (the devil...) :(((((
cottage cheese
more grapes
mini butterfinger :((((((
a couple mini pretzels

finally stopped

yuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! feel bloated, tired and depressed. no more eating until at least tomorrow morning.

but probably around only 1700-1800 cals for the day, which isn't that bad (but still, 12-1300 tonight :((( ).

mikeiscool, that really isn't bad at all. It's good you managed to stop, anyway!

Soz for using this as somewhere to complain rather than offering any proper support, but I'm so annoyed with myself for yesterday/this morning. I had a pretty perfect day. I actually ate proper meals for a change and it came to about 1200 - I felt full but not too full (I haven't had that feeling for months, it seems ... I'm either starving myself or so stuffed I can hardly move!) and was feeling really positive and stuff. Then at 1am I ate 4 huge bowls of cereal and a "lump" of bread with peanut butter in the space of about 20 mins - bringing it up to over 2,000. There was just no reason for it. I've got a foot injury and can barely walk let alone exercise at the min, too ... so I feel even worse. UHG!

Hi, my name is Kristi and I am new.  I just started on this site today.  I am definately a Binge eater.  I think that I do it because I say to myself "I am going to start this diet in the morning and I am going to eat what i want to today".  Then I eat and eat.  The next day I get up and say i will start in the morning and do it all over again...  It is awful, I am really obese and need to get through this.  I know that i can lose weight because I stopped smoking 10 months ago and that was really hard.  Now if I could do better about eating.  Is anyone else like that?  I snack all the time.  Night time is the worst.  I eat supper, then I may eat a carb smart ice cream bar, a moon pie, a bowl of cereal or some cheese.  Maybe even a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  It is awful, then I goto bed miserable.  Boy I hope that this website will help me, I am in desperate need of it.  I am a sweet-a-holic.  I can do without regular food but gorge on sweets.  HELP!!!!

Kristi, I don't think that's really that bad what you eat at night, if it's just one of those things. If it's all of them, yes, but if it's just one, I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. That doesn't seem that bad. Not that you should beat yourself up if you do eat all of those things. But I really can't say anything since I beat myself up all the time no matter what I eat.

ick. i did it again. although i guess it's not that bad. it's almost 5 pm and i've had around 1300 calories. i wasn't too hungry yesterday and ate less than 900 cals, but today i've just eaten, gone to class, eaten, taken a nap, and eaten again. yuck. oh well. i should not beat myself up too much. i have to work tonight. i'll just eat something light when i get home if i'm hungry at all.

I've just had a mini-binge right now, of two bananas and five figs. I know it's really not that much (puts me at maybe ~1000 calories as of right now, but I still have dinner left to go), but I'm counting it as a binge because I really could've not, since I wasn't hungry at all and just kind of wanted to eat for the sake of eating. Yesterday was good, though. Hopefully I can keep this up.

After a good dinner and half a mango and a considerable amount of watermelon, I went to bed wanting more but feeling determined that I would show a bit of willpower, but woke up in the middle of the night and ended up in the kitchen just eating and eating. I thought it'd be okay, since it was just watermelon, but "just watermelon" turned into watermelon, three bananas, the other half of the mango, and a small container of low-fat yogurt (which was 250 calories! WHAT.). At least it was all healthy food, but still. I've NEVER had a midnight binge before, and it's just proving what I've really been fearing -- that my binging is escalating and that I'll never be able to stop myself.

omg skippy skippy....haha what is your real name???

Your story breaks my heart only b/c I am in your EXACT situation. Well...actually I have been quite a healthy eater for many years and very active but, I did suffer from anorexia when I was 14 and was very depressed. I actually recovered very quickly though with a nutritionist and counselling. HOWEVER, my counselor tells me now that its not that uncommon for people to fall into bingeing if they have been restricting. I, too, am not taken seriously(I even tell my family, and while my mom knows I need help, it's almost like she doesn't think it's a big deal b/c I can afford to gain theweight since I'm skinny although I am not underweight just borderline). My stomach is distended and I have huge crying spells. I think everyone can agree-it's a sickening addiction. Honestly, I can't tell you how many times I've told myself oh this will only make me feel worse and then i do it. I don't know any of you personally but I can tell you, when I told my family just straight out that I needed their help b/c I was a binger, they actually helped me by MAKING me eat when I said I wasn't hungry. I started eating 3 meals a day and then I don't binge. If it means you can't be alone? do it. Can't keep certain foods in the house/ DONT. I still relapse constantly and it's AWFUL...but I start again the next day. Also, starting the day with a light high protein breakfast (smoothie or dairy something) REALLY helps.:)

ha ha, my name's actually Christian, "Skipper" or "Skippy" 's just a nickname.

My parents think the exact same thing, though they're afraid to let me eat less because they think that I'm going to fall back into my restrictive eating habits and end up back in the hospital (because while binging is sheer torture on me mentally, my parents don't think is as dangerous since I'm not purging and the only physical side affect is fat/weight gain, really.) They're already really frustrated having had to deal with my previous disordered eating, and don't understand why or how I've managed to dig myself into a bigger hole with binging and they're really frankly quite tired of it all. Which isn't to say that they're not supportive, and I understand that they're really stressed out and that they've got work and other kids in the family to look after and can't spend 24/7 making sure that I eat properly and so on and so forth. Also, I don't want to be so dependent on others, I want to be able to be healthy and happy on my own!

It's just really hard, though. I wish I could just NOT think about food all the time, it's depressing how much time and though and energy that I put into stressing about what I will eat/what I am eating/what I'm going to eat/what I might eat/what I could eat/what I should eat/what I shouldn't eat/what others are eating ALL THE TIME. I'm trying hard to distract myself, but food is everywhere, everyday and my own body is another constant reminder. What I would give to have a normal relationship with myself and my food.

But I need to be more optimistic and confident in myself...My plan is to spend as little time as possible in the house after school (staying to do homework in the library, going to the park, walking to a friend's house, etc), keep up with therapy and writing things and thoughts down, consistently exercising, and finding other ways to distract/occupy myself. Take things day by day.

Thank you for sharing your story and advice with me, and good luck to you, too!

hey you guys! It's day 4 and NO bingeing!!! I know it may not sound like much...but the best part is that Im not talking a/b four days of dieting, I'm talking I had halloween candy and pie and a bunch of crap lol but I actually SAT down with my mom(she's visiting) and told her I really wanted to do this...we went out to my fav restaurant and I ate the pie I always want but will never get. I've had 4 days of eating NORMALLY. I know nothing is just healed but let me tell you, i feel so proud for having done eve that. I wish so much hope for everyone who struggles and I so so appreciate this site.

Congratulations, I'm glad you've been doing so well. Jealous, though, too, to be honest. I had the worst worst worst weekend. But tomorrow it's back on the bicycle (I don't really like horses, they're too tall! Bikes are less likely to bite).

Skippy I know exactly how you feel- I spend so much energy through the day stressing and making decisiosn over food and hwen it gets to late at night I dont understand why I even bothered. Eurgh I had the worst binge last night and I jus ont even know why?!?!?!?!!?!?!?! I just want this awful awful habit to go away and never return and leave me alone so I can get along with my life!!!!!

You guys are taking the words right out of my mouth. It seems like I spend my entire life on food: not eating, eating, thinking about eating, beating myself up over eating/not eating, planning eating, you all know how it goes. Even calorie-count, as necessary as it is, seems like too much sometimes. But we can stay strong! just remember: every day is a new chance to start over, a chance to show yourself, your loved ones, and your body that you have the power to take control. 

Do you want to know what I JUST ate?

7 mini smarties things, five pop tarts, a WHOLE 3.5 oz treacle toffee, 3.5 oz fudge, a bagel with cream cheese and jam (That wasn't the bad part though. It was my attempt to be healthy in my binge) six cookies with that jam stuff in the middle, six dad's cookies-oatmeal, eight chocolate fudge doughnuts, a peanut butter bar, a muffin, and who knows how many pieces of homemade bread.

I feel like purging. I don't want to though. That would be gross. I just want to diiieee.

holy moly i havent been  on here in soooo long.
to tell  you the  truth as soon as I stopped coming on this site I stopped binging. I still could calories and stuff (on my own, i dont even use this site for anything but the forums) and I have been doing good, especially recently. I had a little binge on the weekend but it was minor compared to what they used to be like I had 3 marshmellows, 3 candies, abou 4 ciders and lots of ice cream about 1/2 a litre to myself... me and 3 of my friends were sitting at the counter with 3 different kinds of ice cream and just eating it out of the containers. It was so worth it though.

I think what I needed to do to stop my binging was shrink my stomach. I concentrated about eating good about 1200-1400 calories a day for 2 weeks straight and I realized I didnt need that much food to make me satisfied anymore. I started weighing myself everyday so that when I saw I dropped a pound, it made me want to keep going I have now lost 8 pound in the last 2-3 weeks while still haveing cheat nights on weekends when i hang out with my friends.

also eating regularly through out the day has helped too here is what I ate today and I ate every 2 hours.

breakfast 7:00 pm
1 cup 5 grain cheerios (110 cal), 1/2 cup organic hemp cereal (140 cal) with 1/4 skim milk (20 cal) 

snack 9:00pm
a cup cauliflower(30cal), a cup of broccoli(25 cal), and a carrot (30 cal)

snack 11:00pm
pria power bar (170 cal)

lunch 1:00pm
sandwhich-2 slices whole wheat bread (130 cal), mustard (0 cal), lettuce & cucumber (10 cal), i piece fat-free trukey breast (30 cal)

snack 3:00pm
1/2 cup frozen yogurt (100 cal)

dinner 5:00pm
sandwhich- 2 slices whole wheat bread (130 cal), tbsp light miracle whip (30 cal), cajun chicken breast (110 cal), lettuce (10 cal)

dessert 7:00pm
another 1/2 cup frozen yogurt (100 cal)

total: 1175 cal and I have no urge to binge.

just thought I'd share that with you all, obviously this food plan took a lot of thought and I know what you mean by revolving everything around food, I still feel like I do, but I feel better knowing I havent over eaten, and when i do i feel depressed. but you really have to start new everyday. and that means dont restrict...Im guilty too...afetr I binge the next day I skip breakfast or I count everysingle slippen calorie i swallow, or even say Im "cleansing" and try not to eat that day, but honestly all you do is set yourslef up for another binge. I used to not even be able to have food in the house I liked, or i would end up binging like its the only chance ill ever get to eat it again, so you just have to think "I will have many other oppertunities in my life to eat this again, I dont need it right now just cause its in my reach"

I wish you all the best of luck!

i binged today. don't know how many calories; don't even want to know. i did pretty good up until tonight. it was mostly on healthy stuff, so i guess it's better than just junk. oh well. i guess i'll have to start anew tomorrow.

hi guys i haven't posted for a while..i guess i've just been pretty distracted lately...

have u guys noticed that most bingers have sumfin in common? that they are too strict on themselves and know exactly what's healthy and what's not and count calories and usually binge on health foods like nuts, cottage cheese, yoghurt, cereal,muesli bars, etc and not all of you binge on chocolate and chips and fried chicken and lollies? (some of u do and i have a definite problem with chocolate)

yeaaaaa well guess wat...i've been so much better lately :) it's nearly been one year since i've been a binger but i guess i'm getting to the point where i can see the light at the end of the tunnel but i'm not there yet. I have been eating less calories now :) which is pretty good. I used to eat 12000kJ daily and now i get around 7000-8500kJ which i'm proud of. Except i still eat junk food like chips and chocolate! :( I just don't go round the whole house looking for absolutely everything to eat and sneak around and steal my mum's food and steal the church's food anymore.

my daily binging foods would be condensed milk, cereal, chocolate, croissants, cake, avocado, milo, nutella,crackers, fruit, cold meat, ham, cheese, biscuits, lollies... everything that was in the house, at work and at church!!!! But now i only limit myself to binging on vegetables, soups, chocolate and hot chips occassionally. I do stil have the feeling of being out of control and am purging more than ever but i know i have improved during time.

So yea! Plus i haven't cut my wrists in a while. I only do when i am bawling my eyes out coz that's the only way that can calm me down or when i feel angry at myself. Although lately i have been very frustated with myself. I used to be such a perfectionist, doing everything according to my schedule, doing all the chores at home and getting A's in school, finishing my exercise list everyday, eating exactly the same lunch everyday, keeping track of nutritional panels (i had 5 garbage bags of nutritional panels and boxes in my wardrobe..how crazy is that!) and keeping myself busy at parties by talking to my friends and starving prior to the parties.....TO BEING:
totally disorganised, not studying for my exams, doing assignments the night before, not doing any chores at all, not following my food plan and time schedule, not exercising everyday, pigging out at parties and eating virtually everything in sight.

I don't want to take this as an excuse to not study and not do chores because i'm depressed or because of this stupid eating disorder but i really do not like myself for changing into the extreme and feeling that it's all my fault yet i can't seem to get out of it and fix it. It's the worst time for it to happen...right before i go to college and i'm going to get bad marks..i just hope to God that i graduate!!!

sigh...do you guys feel that you're missing sumfin? that somehow you feel incomplete? i feel it all the time..i feel like i am nothing because there is a gap in my soul and it upsets me!!!i DON'T know if it is God that i'm missing, love, good grades, a good future, an orderly family or what? i don't know and i feel so lost.

i also feel so selfish that all i'm thinking about is how i look when i've got frends and family around me, i've got a perfectly functional body, i have shelter and food and transport....i hate thinking about how selfish i am to not think of the children in the third world countries who don't have family or food, they don't have shelter, they don't have transport and they don't have a good body...maybe they've lost a leg or arm..i dunno. I just feel like a whinger.

yet i feel like this binging can't go on forever..i will go mental if this binging doesn't get better...i'm so sick of my mind analysing everything i'm thinking. one side is thinking in the way of an anorexic and the other mind is thinking in the way of a binger.

I completely regret ever going into these eating disorders and obsessions but i guess it was waiting to happen with my naturally perfectionistic personalilty and the environmental factors. 

But never think it's your fault...ok?it's the media, your family, your problems...not you. But i will pray for all of you guys so that we may continue to walk forwards and improve. :)

Tee

lil_t88, that's an interesting post! It's good that you're improving. I'm sure you'll get there in the end!

I have had the worst binge today. I HATE the cycle I'm in. It's soooooooooooooooooooooo horrible. I just want to cry.

Hey I am relatively new here and I just found this thread.  I am terrible for binges and it is nice to know I'm not alone.  I know everyone goes on about how you can't keep unhealthy food around but sometmes I really just need a fatty, salty or sugary snack.  I used to go to the shop across the way or down the street and buty a cake or a giant bag of crisps and then go home and eat the lot.  What I have found is helpful is if you keep all your small change in a jar and restrict yourself to buying treats from that.  The embarrassment of counting out the money for a chocolate barr in 1p and 2p piecs (or equivalent in cents) helps you not go binge shopping.  Does anyone else go shopping especially for rubbish food?  Or is it just me?

ok...todays was bad. I woke up today grumpy, and knowing how mt day was going to unfold. So. What did I do? I packed myself a lot of fruits and veggies. I got home HUNGRY! So I ate about a cup of peas mixed in with a homemade tomatoe sauce. Still being hungry I had a tomatoe, then some celery, and then a cold apple. Those are usually filling. Not today. I had about a cup of chopped potatoe, a beef patty, a bagel with cheese, and salami, a slice of dominos pizza, four pieces of bread (waiting for everything to finish) 3 mini bagels, three different types of chewy sweet granola bar esc things, 4 LARGE pancakes, and like, an entire packet of butterscotch chips. I don't even want to say how much syrup I put on those pancakes. The thing I keep repeating to myself is, "What the ---- is wrong with you? How are you still standing? How are you not throwing up? Throwing up..." Then I change topics, "I would tell you that you could work this off, but you just can't. You haven't even had dinner yet!!!! I hate you. You're pathetic. I wish you were bulemic." Ugh.

I just want to die today.