Health & Support

Welcome to BA. My name is Nicole and I'm a binger.

i decided that it could be helpful to have a forum for those of us trying to recover from this evil thing called binge eating disorder (BED). Whenever you have success... post here! Whenever you have struggles... post here! need support to stay out of the cookie jar?.... post here!

i'll be posting my intake of calories everyday in hopes that showing all of you what i eat will keep me from OVER EATING.

anyone with the same struggles??

ive been suffering from BED for the last 2+ yrs and i never knew so many pple out there face the same prob. i also binged the past 3 days, with yest being the worst. Thank god my parents didnt buy any chinese new year goodies this year, cos i really had too many binges last year cos of all the cookies, peanuts, chips etc lying ard.

yes. i feel so ashamed. i always wait till no one is in the kitchen and then i'll start on my rampage. its so tiring having to struggle with low cal healthy eating and then ruining everything with a binge. ive accumulated a lot of fat in my tummy and arms from all the binges. i try to tell myself that i must overcome this so that i can go for lipo. haha. though im afraid that it'll look lumpy/unnatural....but i dunno what else to do. im so mentally drained from having to act all happy and nice in front of other pple when in actual fact, i have such a dark secret to hide. whenever i binge i get so depressed that my mind is filled with thoughts of death. i know i wont actually act on them but i know its still not healthy.

my prob all started with anorexia. ive since gotten over it. but physically and health wise, nope. amenorrhea, hairloss, constipation, mood swings, depression etc have plagued me together with BED. at the young age of 18 when my friends are having the time of their lives, i on the other hand wish that my death day is just round the corner. i keep praying that a car will knock me to death, or that a vase will drop down and smash my head or sth...

haha. i too have on many occasions gorged on all the food that was meant for my family. i really wodner if this hell will ever end. having to wrench myself out of the emotional shithole after each binge is so hard. esp when i fall back into it like 2 or 3 days later. i cant imagine living the rest of my life like this. all this hiding and sneaking ard....i cant go out for meals with other pple cos im xtremely health conscious and i just cant bring myself to eat xtra cals cos of a binge that prob recently happened/i know that i will definitely binge sooner or later.

im scared of staying at home alone. cos thats when i binge real bad. other times i sneak downstairs at night and gorge.and sometimes, im just driven by this intense urge, where theres this part of me that says 'EATEATEATEATEAT'(like yest....so i just ate and ate and ate even more... :( )

sheesh...just feel so world-weary...like im so tired of life after only a mere 18 yrs. ive prob still got decades to go. and i foresee weight maintenance to be even more difficult as my metabolism drops. and frankly, my metabolism is already very low from crash dieting when i had anorexia, and then recurring cycles of huge binges and then starvation. shit. i was hoping to feel better aft venting, but this is just making me feel worse. urgh

When I was first recovering from anorexia, (at 19, still in recovery) I was also a Binge eater.   As soon as my calorie consumption started to go up a little I WAS RAVENOUS and ashamed to be.   I too took to sneaking into the kitchen and eating.... eating.... and eating (I'm talking like two cans of beans, half a box of crackers,  a bag of cookies dipped in cake frosting, any leftovers in the fridge, peanut butter and another box of crackers. and that was just one night) untill I was bloated, and then I still ate.   I gained 30 some pounds in just under four months.  I was never more depressed.

I realize now that my body was trying to recover from the undereating that I did before.   Even though I was recovering from the under eating part of anorexia I still had the mind set. I still ate small portions during meals with others because I didn't want people to think I was "fat because I couldn't control myself, look how much she eats, no wonder she is ..."  when in fact I really couldn't control myself.  When I realized that I started to eat more during the day, healthy stuff, and that made me too full to binge...as much. 

It has taken me three years to just start feeling comfortable eating with other people.  But I know now that you need to eat during the day when your body needs it.  Everyone needs to eat to live.  We just have a harder time doing it in a normal way. 

Anyway... stick in there it gets easyer... Calorie Count has helped me.  I think alot of people out there have some good advice to give.  So anytime your feeling awful, just post a note...or even find someone you can talk to.... you are important.  It gets easier.  Keep working.   Better days ahead!

The finding it difficult eating with other people I totally understand.  I was smack in the middle of anorexia when I found out I was pregnant.  My daughter grew inside me and was near seven pounds at birth; she's now 3 and smart and pretty as ever.  But I certainly suffered.  Anything I ingested while pregnant, she scooped up right away. 

I remember being taken out for lunch or supper by my family, and what pregnant woman doesn't want to enjoy delicious free food??

I was that woman.  I would look on the menu and after finding something too high cal or too fattening about every item on it, I would decide "no lunch, thanks, I'll stick with my coffee".  (another bad thing to have when pregnant but I knew it was a diuretic, so...)

I hated the restaurant thing.  Now, I find it better because I can go out and eat with my boyfriend (who I now live with), but I can't say that even after portion controlling my meal, having something light, and taking half home with me, that it never ever sparked a huge binge.  That would be a lie. 

I gained 10 lbs since his moving in with me and that is NOT because of the home cooking, as I tell people.  It's because I started binging again.

But I am determined to stop.  What's the use?  I did it again last night and woke up feeling miserable about myself.  It's got to end.

And it will. :)

gosh winterz....thats excatly what im going through...almost the same story! i understand what your going through...tomorrow i'm supose to start a healthy- no binge for a week! with my friend who also suffers from binge eating, but just not as bad. We are going to reward ourselves with going out and buying an shrit for partying this weekend! I've found some determination, and am praying i will stick through! i no by the 3rd i'll start feeling great! i just got to stick through this!! does anyone have any tips that have helped them from the urge of bingeing???

Hi yellowseal!:) Here's a few things that have helped me...

Eat enough....whenever I restrict my calories too much, I binge. I eat a good breakfast that includes protein. 1 scrambled egg white, an english muffin w/ low fat butter, 1 piece canadian bacon, and a piece of fruit. Then I graze the rest of the day, and have a good dinner.

Drinking hot tea helps me feel more satisfied. I drink one cup with every meal and snack.

Drink enough water. At least 8-8oz glasses. It actually helps keep you from feeling bloated.

This makes it so much easier to control the urge to binge, since I am not hungry. So instead, I can occupy my mind by logging on to cc and writing in my journal, or reading my friends journals or the forums. It helps!:)

A few other tricks,

Drink water, brush your teeth, those breath strips you put on your tongue really help, so do using the crest white strips, exercising, go for a walk, or call a friend.:)

Hope that helps you out a little:)

im glad that there r so many pple going thru the same things as me here. my parents have long gotten sick of my 'episodes' and now they just ignore me. when they see me binging, they dont really care either. i feel alone and depressed and im trying to use work to distract myself. just so i spend less time at home and hopefully will binge less....

vicstudentoria, u said u suffered from anorexia too. have u gotten ur period back? its been 3 yrs for me and still no period even though im 56kg(125lb) for a height of 165cm(i think thats ard 5'5 or 5'4?). my once thick hair is now so sparse i get depressed looking at myself in the mirror. im going to see a gynae again. i'll bet i'll just be given the 'oh these things take time' crap and hormone pills to take AGAIN. sigh. just so frustrated at myself and my looks and health and EVERYTHING. :(

Winterz, I know how you feel.  My mom - i tried opening up to her a number of times about my past anorexia, then bulimia, then BED (I now never purge), and she just kinda shrugged it off.  Either she didn't know what to say or didnt' take it seriously.

But it is serious and we feel it.  I know exactly what it's like to have your family just sick of your "crap".  To make you feel like an outcast because you didn't eat with the rest of them or because you have a problem no one understands but you.

It's good to know there ARE others who understand though.

good luck:)

This weekend was hard.  I guess all weekends are hard.  I usually do pretty good during the day but when I'm home along (as I usually am) I start to get really depressed and feel sorry for myself.  Food is my comfort.  I did a good job on Friday.   Went to the movies and only had a lite latte.  Saturday was good all the way up to 9pm.  Then I had 3 grilled cheeses.  God, why didn't I just go to bed instead.  B/c it's pathetic that I'm home alone on a Sat night, and thinking about going to bed a 9pm.  Sunday was no better.  I gave up at 3pm.  Binged on nachos, ice creame and pbutter.  Used Laxatives.  I can't believe I look forward to the work week.  It's my only control.  I have less time to be home alone.

ebbrennen, i can only say i feel exactly the same way u do. its usually the weekends. I look forward to work too. in fact, i cant believe how much i LOVE it. its the best way to prevent myself from binging. like u, i usu do well during the day but totally fall flat on my face at home at night.weekends are horrible. its like i cant stay at home to r&r without binging. sigh.

Thanks for the support winterz.  It feels good to express my feelings.  These are things that I've hid for a long time. 

Today is a new day.

In the past I've sworn off binging for a day, or a week, or even 2 to 3 weeks before a big holiday.  But after I downed a stick and a half of butter in one sitting with an entire box of unsalted saltines, I felt so alarmed that I've sworn off binges forever.  Like an alcoholic who doesn't drink another drop of alcohol again.  Or the cigarrette smoker who quits cold turkey.

I now feel that binging is just as bad a behavior for me as smoking or excessive drinking would be for someone else.  I didn't take binging seriously in the past. I felt it was something I could do almost as a reward after many weeks of being "good."  I excused it because my body could quickly drop the 4 or 5 lbs I'd gain from 2 to 3 days of binging. But I don't feel that way anymore.

So I hope it works--I've never sworn off anything "FOREVER" before!  And if it doesn't, well, not every smoker can quit cold turkey.

Agimwinba, I like your idea of binge behavior being as bad of a habit as smoking or drinking.  And going cold turkey is an aspiration for me.  But we can't go cold turkey on eating.  We all have to eat.  What do you (we and I) do when we eat a serving of saltines and butter and then before we know it that serving has turned into the entire box of saltines and stick of butter? 

Hi Ebbrennen:) I'm like that too, only with Ritz crackers and peanut butter. One thing I do, is make up 5 crackers, then put everything away, and wash the knife. I will then sit down with my crackers and a cup of hot tea. Helps keep me from eating the entire tube.:)

AHH i just came back from france for a week.
no scales.
i found that i lost 3 pounds when i weighed myself this morning!
then today, ahhhhh!
i ate soo many nuts!!!
like cups and cups of granola and nuts. its going to be my dinner even though it started with two brazil nuts and two almonds as a snack. but its only 5pm (even though it feels like 11pm) and thats already 2,325 cal for my day! Ive been at about 1600-1800 for so long!
so, im not eating any more today, and ill be drinking a lot of water
but im so tired and jeg tagged and have so much to do that i cant excersize.
so im gunna be full and feel gross tomorrow... probobly leading to anotehr binge!
And i havnt even that many cals in a month!
:-( please, i need modivation!!!
im down 12 since new years 10 to go til second goal! HELP ME GET THERE PLEASE!

wOW...I never thought that I wouldn't be so alone.  I too used to be annorexic and now I can't seem to stop binging ~its been about 3 months since I started and I feel so desperate.  Today I binged ~3000 Calories I've been lifting a lot of weights and trying to get protein but my body craves carbs - all the time!  It's funny I've done so much research - probably like so many of you have, and I still can't seem to kick it.  Here's bunch I've learned:

It's on my body-space at bodybuilding.com but I think I'll share it anyways for anyone who doesn't know.

~~~
The Rundown on Serotonin - Carbohydrate Binging and Alcoholism

Well, honestly I think that B.E.D. isn?t a "clinical disorder" as doctors might call it, but the side-effects are real.  B.E.D. is nearly identical to alcoholism or any sort of drug addiction - that is the body (subconsciously) is seeking a higher-elevated serotonin status than its "normal" status.  B.E.D. in athletics is normally related to carbohydrates, which in pure-form (sugar, un-fibrous forms) quickly elevate serotonin levels (chemicals in the brain that elevate mood).

Bipolar Patients can prove that "Serotonin is not a happy-chemical"

Serotonin is not a "happy-chemical" all it does is intensify rather "emotional states." Notably you can see this in bipolar patients where their serotonin levels often skyrocket into a "mania episode" and dive into a "depression episode". While in Mania, bipolar patients exhibit irritability, fast thinking, and often are suddenly capable of accomplishing tons of things all at once (I managed to get all my homework done within an hour?s time during one of these). Depression episodes are the near opposite - normally one can do very little and their cravings for sugar and serotonin-spiking foods rise as the body seeks to once again be on the "high" in mania.  While B.E.D. patients are not always bipolar they exhibit the same sort of chemical mood-changes because they have introduced their body to "serotonin spikes". Once the brain realizes a "Potential State" that is higher than that in which is used to often it wishes to be there again. (Weight, Caloric intake, etc.)

What Justification is there for B.E.D.?

Now this is all great - so what? Chemicals in the brain that change your mood? So what does this justify B.E.D., the person still has to pick up the food and shove it into their mouths!  This is very true, with chemical reactions aside, someone "with B.E.D." is still capable of controlling their actions and what they eat.  The reason why it is so hard to do is because their bodies want them to do otherwise.  Therefore the amount of motivation it takes for a person, whose mind is constantly seeking serotonin, is at least double than the average person who may binge on other types of food or just eat unhealthily.

What can overcome B.E.D. besides Supreme Will Power?

Very little.  Sometimes medication such as mood-stabilizers and anti-seizure medications help, but all of those drugs are by prescription. In order to get a prescription one must be clinically diagnosed with an Eating Disorder, Bipolar, Epilepsy, or some other sort of physiological disorder and evaluated by a physiatrist for suitable medication. Still the medication doesn?t "cure-it" most of the time it takes months to reach a "therapeutic dose" and still daily intervention may be required to overcome eating habits.

In terms of day-day changes, there are things that help one deal with stress and thus can help your body return to its normal "Serotonin" stated.

1. ? exercise - we all know that it raises serotonin
2. ? Sleeping well - in terms of carbohydrate consumption - it?s also directly related to the amount of sleep one receives. I?m not going to get into it, but more sleep = less or normal carbohydrate intake
3. ? Cutting out ?serotonin spikers? - that is pure-sugar, introducing long-lasting sugar sources.  While its not widely recommended because of other side effects, ?Sugar alcohols, provide long lasting sugar to the brain and body, which can make cravings less often)
4. ? Going Cold-Turkey - Like any sort of addiction - dropping it immediately is normally best and has been proven affective.  Sometimes when it?s caught up with emotional issues like stress and unsettlement - going cold-turkey can be too unmanageable.
5. ? TIME - yes, the body doesn?t decide to get over a ?want? that quickly.  It?s going to take a week at least to get rid of those carb-loading cravings

So you started to get off the ?B.E.D.? cycle. What can you expect?

Side effects are always there:

1. ? Hunger, dizziness, headaches - even when you?re not hungry, that?s what happens when one?s blood sugar drops dramatically.
2. ? Lethargic - sometimes people report this, while others say their energy has increased.  I suppose it has to do with specific dieting and training routines and the spikes at which they are recovering from.
3. ? Irritability - well, this is another ?maybe? due to the fact that it?s just how well you can cope without food.
4. ? Water loss - due to carbohydrate releasing.

I?ve been through tones of Eating Disorder programs, known individuals who suffer from chemical-imbalances and lack of motivation to overcome them.I have suffered under this myself - yes, I do understand it, but I?m still looking to understand more. I?m not a physiatrist or dietician, but I?ve talked with tons of them. Any help or questions or more info, contact me.

i binged today. and i think im about to go do it again. I prollly ate about 3500 calories ugh i cant breathe. i do it becasue i feel deprived even tho im eating 1400 calories (5'3 lightly active 130 Lbs goal: 110) and i am also at the TOTM but it happens like every three days i try to diet and when im not dieting im bingeing i dont know how to be NORMAL.

will eating a whole lot for 3 days make you gain weight? i have been doing so good for over a month, but this past weekend when i went out of town, the people i was with did not eat healthy, and there was so much tasty food around. when i weighed today i gained 4 lbs! and i feel horrible. did i totally ruin all the hard work that i did for 5 weeks?

ebbrennen, on this thread opeca64 posted some research that quitting binging cold turkey is effective if you have the strength to do it.  I suppose you just cannot allow yourself to even begin to binge on the saltines.  Have the five crackers and let yourself feel miserable for a few minutes until your mind moves onto something else.  In the past I've had to actually crush the box of saltines with my foot and then spray the crumbs with Windex, at which point I don't know whether to laugh or cry...

kzpokey, I wouldn't worry too much about it.  If you go back to your moderate eating, I imagine you'll be able to shed those four pounds pretty quickly because your body/metabolism had probably gotten used to the old weight.  But be sure not to pick up the binging habit.  As the people on this thread can attest, it's a nasty habit that's really hard to break.

Eurgh..I binged again tonight,oh how I hate the feeling afterwards. I hate the way I hate it so much afterwards but none of these feelings are there when its going on.