Motivation

Howdy guys and gals!  I'm taking over this club, not because i think i have all the answers (i so know i don't) but because i'm super pumped up right now and motivated to help those people out there who have a lot of weight to lose.  we need a place that's more than a "can i join" place.. we need a place to talk about issues related to being this overweight.. 

Who here needs to lose over 100 pounds? Who needs to lose over 150 pounds? Or more?

I did! I did! And yes.. i did!

A small amount of background on me for those of you who don't know: i am a binge eater. I have had a problem with emotional eating, hidden eating, over eating, eating with a hang nail, eating because i have split ends.. you name it i stuffed my emotions down with the greasiest, nastiest food i could find!

Why did i do that (you might ask)? Because of many many different reasons.. frankly i think it was because this is how i was taught from a young age, this is how we handle stress and emotions. I learned that it's not proper to talk about your feelings.. or god forbid, express your emotions! You have to shove them down with a piece of cake and a smile!

Anyway.. onto the reason for this post.

If you are out there and need to lose a lot of weight.. just like i've got to.. i think we need to have a place where we can discuss these issues with each other and try and work through them together. Because, let's face it, people who are morbidly obese (yes.. i hate that word too) have uniquely different issues to work through and deal with than the average person.

Losing weight, for people who have this much to lose, have to deal with so much more than the formulas to figure out how much to eat.. and exercising. It's more complex than that. We have to deal with years and years of poor eating habits that have to be unlearned, we have to deal with the emotional torment of just being this size, we have to deal with the harsh looks and comments from strangers or from loved ones, we have to deal with our emotions for the first time in our life because we aren't shoving them down our throats anymore..

this is the hardest thing ANYONE has to deal with.. but, from my experience, things are different for us bigguns. :)

also, for those of you who don't know me very well.. (because i've kinda been in hiding and not posting much and there are so many new people out there) i started out in january weighing 324 pounds. I now weigh 232.5.. i have lost 91.5 pounds so far. I am not telling you guys this to get kudos.. i got those yesterday. I'm telling you guys this because i want anyone out there who is struggling with knowing they have, what seems to be, an insurmountable amount of weight to lose, that there is hope.. it IS possible.. you CAN do it.. but it's hard.. and you will hurt.. i know this because i've been there.. i've done it.. and i'm still dealing with it.

so.. come on in and share your stories.. i want to hear them and i want us to support each other until we are all at our goal weight!

Welcome to all the newbies and hugs and congratulations to everyone.  :)

You all are doing so great!!!!! 

Hello,

I'm kalkette,
I have been here since May of this year, but I have been really slacking lately and I'm up to almost where I started from. I am at 249 and started at 250. It's extremely depressing. I still want to do this and I know I can make it. According to CC my ideal weight is 131 and that gives me 118 pounds to lose. It also says my goal date is December 7 of 2007. I would love it if I could show up at my family's Christmas celebration as fit and healthy when that's not what they're expecting. I tend to lose my motivation and as I'm an emotional eater I tend to eat when upset all too often. Things have been tough for me lately. My husband has been out of work and things have been very stressful. He's found a job now, so hopefully I can regulate myself a bit better. I still need to focus and guide myself to a better and healthier life.

I am so thankful to CC. Without it and everyone here, I would have given up long ago. It's still hard, a struggle every single day, but I know that I can do it and you will all be here with me through this journey. I'm gonna start the process of friending you all now. K?

Good show, Kalkette -never give up. We all have ups and downs; those days that want to drive our motivation to obscurity. But , if we can just stick to our guns we get through it. It's kind of like a country song I like - "If you're going through hell" - the chorus kinda goes like ...

 "If your going through hell. Keep on moving. Face that fire. Walk right through it. You might get out. Before the devil even knows you're there."

Whatever the 'devil' happens to be in your life - if you can just grasp hold of some of that inner strength we all have, but forget sometimes, you can get through. Just "don't slow down" by standing around feeling sorry for yourself,or getting down on yourself - going nowhere. Call it picking yourself up and continuing on or starting again - doesn't matter as long as you get moving in the right direction. Eventually you'll arrive at the place you want to be:)

Hello everyone... I just discovered this site within the last week, and it has been a goddess-send! It seems like the time for me to lose weight is finally at hand as all the things I need - including my own motivation, self-worth and more - have finally come to me.

Except for my doctor and my husband, no one knows how much I weigh, however right now I am at the heaviest I have ever been in my entire life. When I went to the doctor a few weeks ago for some bloodwork, they weighed me, and I was shocked to see that, despite not eating much (in fact my husband would tell me that I'm starving myself, which is not good either), I had gained about 30 lbs in a year. At that appointment, I saw the scale jump to 408. I wanted to die. Literally. I don't think I have ever hated myself more than at that moment. It took a lot of work just to stop hating myself and decide to do something. It actually took more than work - it took some talking and wise words from my 12 year old daughter which lead to an epiphany that got me to do something about it. And I am glad I did.

My goal is to be 150 lbs. I weighed 175 when I graduated from high school, and I was a size 16/18 at the time. Before I got pregnant with my first child, I weighed 160 and was a size 14. I would be *quite* happy to be my pre-children weight and size again. I know, realistically, I will never be a size 8 - my body frame is just not made to be that size. However a size 12, or 14.... yea, I can live with that quite nicely!!

Thanks for starting this thread in the forums. I agree that those of us with a LOT (100+ lbs) have particular issues that others (less than 100 lbs to lose) may not have to face. For example, I know that exercise is an important part of losing weight, and I know, when I get to about 80 lbs lost, it will be much easier for me to do them. However right now, at my current weight, just walking for 10 minutes leaves me exhausted and winded and I usually have to sit down. It's hard to do some sort of "30 minute regimen" when you can't even walk for more than 10 minutes. What can we "people of size" do for exercise in the beginning that will still help the weight go down, but not be such a strain on us that we won't want to do them?

Looking forward to getting to know you all, and thanks again!

Chelle

Chelle -

You should be very proud of yourself for making the decision to do something about it.  I think that was one of the hardest steps for me.  I was in denial about how much I was eating but not how much I weighed.  I was very embarrassed and, like you, the only two people that know are my doctor (well, doctors so more than two) and my husband.

Walking is the only exercise that I do regularly.  The first few times I walked, I could only walk for about 5 minutes at 1.5 mph (I used a treadmill) before I was soaked with sweat and too out of breath to go any further.  It was very difficult for the first few weeks but I would do what I could every day.  Now, I'm up to walking 3 miles at about 3 mph - so I'm walking for an hour nearly every day. 

I didn't start over 400 lbs so it probably was easier for me than it might be for you.  I'm not minimizing the effort by any means; I really do understand how difficult it is.  I think there are a lot of little things you can do that increase your calories burned every day without having to really do a "workout"  For example, park further away from a store than you normally would and walk in.

It may not seem like it today, but it will definitely get easier. 

Pam

PS - Chelle (pronounced either Shell or Shelley depending on my mood) is what we call my youngest daughter   :)

Hey, Chelle (or Willowraven, or Willow, or Raven or ...... hey you!)

Welcome to the club:) You and I share something in common - maybe a couple of somethings. I started this year at my highest weight ever - 405 lbs and although I shouldn't have been surprised, it still hit me in the gut like a Mike Tyson punch.  And as for exercise, yep, walking was the first thing I re-introduced into my routine. 

The first day at the local YMCA I tried walking the indoor track and could only do 3 (painful) laps before resting that's like 1/4 mile(sounds impressive - don't it!) . Now 7 - 7 1/2 months later, I warm up with 12 laps(1 mile) at about 2.5mph pace,  before rowing for 20 - 40 minutes at a decent pace, or doing a free weight routine for 30 minutes, before walking another mile(atleast on those days I have get up and go:)) I also will mix and match the different parts of my routine depending on time and just to mix things up for some change. I try for a minimum 45 minutes of exercise most days of the week.

So, I think I can safely say I know where you're coming from - and you're right it is a "strain" on us, it is hard - but, good news is it gets easier. Start slow and work yourself up at your own pace - just continue working, don't turn back and the weight will come off and you will become healthier. Somedays will be tougher then others, but you have the support of your family(who want you around for a long time) and you have the support of the 100 plus club:) Any questions or just need someone to 'talk' to leave a post in my journal and I'll do my best to get back to you:) Good luck and keep on keepin' on!

Welcome Chelle.  I think it's awesome that you're beginning the journey.  I too was shocked by a doctor's visit.  I think that that visit was quite a blessing, I was 1 lb short of 300 and vowed to never see that number on the scale.  I had been exercising at least spradically, and the difficulty of the exercise had increased from my past, so that was a clue.  I had a hard time making my "normal route" which is about 2 miles I think.

Fast forward about 10 weeks.  I now can walk up to 50 minutes and do it 3 times per week.  I have joint problems (which I had when I weighed a lot less, so I"m not optimistic about them improving much) and I have to be careful to not injure myself.  I've also lost about 34 lbs, so that helps too.

So things will get better!  This is the hardest part, it will only get easier and better from here, look at it that way.

J

 Lady O and all, been a long time just popped in to day Howdy!

I'm getting very frustrated.  For the last two weeks, I have increased my activity (walking more, playing with the kids outside and even jumping rope - hurt muscles that I forgot I had with that one).  I haven't changed my intake of food but I have gained weight.  it's not much and I know I can have fluctuations but I can't understand it.

I'm wondering if some of it could be water retention because of sodium intake.  I thought my sodium intake was below the daily requirement level but I had added foods that were high in sodium without adding all the information (just the calories).  I went in and updated yesterday's with all the information and I had almost 3000 mg of sodium.  I'm hoping if I cut back on the sodium, that I'll start to lose again.  It's starting to depress me and make me want to give up.

:(

Pam

Pam, hon, I"ll bet it is the sodium.  Did you know that a gallon of water is 8 pounds?  If you are eating more than the recommended 2300mg of sodium, you could be holding on to a lot of what you're drinking.  I've had that happen with just one day over 2500mg. 

Also, did you raise your calories so that with the extra exercise you're still in your 500-800 deficit range?  If not, your body might be holding on to more b/c it thinks you're going to starve it.  How many calories are you getting in, and how many are you burning in actual physical exercise?  :)

Hang in there!! :D

(Sorry about the long post all - just saw the length in the preview... guess I just sort of went on for a bit  .....  ::grin::  )

Thank you so much for the warm welcomes!  I really am liking this whole site, but loving this forum set up!  And really liking this particular thread.  It's nice to know that I'm not alone in having to lose a 'very substantial' amount of weight.  Oddly enough, even the doctor's appointment where I saw the scale hit 408 is what did it for me.  It was actually a little talk I had with my daughter about 2 weeks ago. Over the first weekend of September, I was having a really hard time, especially in regards to my weight, my self-esteem and how I felt about how others saw me (or felt about me, etc)... I had spent Friday and some of Saturday crying about it.. I mean really crying.  I had gotten to where I really didn't care if I lived or died.  Wes (my husband) and I had also had a fight about something (not really related to my weight, however it did - indirectly - come into play for me in regards to my thoughts of how he saw me as a "woman").  It was afterwards ,though, when I went to talk to my 12 year old daughter, Rebecca (who was upset at Wes for treating me disrespectfully, and for me to so 'willingly' give him another chance - tried to explain that things are complicated sometimes and not always just black and white), she asked me why do I let people do that, and treat me like that.  I told her that Wes is not the first - in fact pretty much everyone in my life has done it, and I was raised that if someone had a problem with me, or didn't like me, or something about me, then it was because I didn't try hard enough, or that I did something wrong, or that there was something about me that was wrong - regardless, it was "me" that was wrong so therefore it was up to "me" to fix it, whatever it was, so that the other person would be happy, or satisfied.  I was not raised to have a healthy understanding of 'if someone has a problem with you, it's not necessarily you, but what their perception makes them feel' concept.  In other words, it wasn't always my fault, and in fact, in most cases, didn't have anything to do with me at all.  Their perceptions and reactions are not MY fault, nor are they MY doing or business.  They are theirs.  And it took this talk with my daughter to make me realize it.  Isn't it funny?  I'll be 42 in November and I'm just now learning this lesson - and my 12 year old daughter not only already knows it, but firmly lives her life according to it?  However, this was just part of my 'epiphany'.  Later on that day, Wes and I had to go to the grocery store - how I hate that errand!!  I hate spending money I know we really can't afford, can't stand looking at food and thinking of it as my enemy and knowing I can never really *enjoy* food like others (it will always be, to me - calories/fat/carbs etc instead of something that tastes good).  We parked the van and were about to get out of the car - we had been talking the whole drive to the store - and I was thinking about what Rebecca and I had been talking about, and I had told Wes about it.  And it made me realize something about me and my weight, made me see it in a whole different light, and I'll tell ya, has totally turned me around.  Most of you don't know - I think Ladi does, and Rici - however, for about 15+ years, while I lived in MA with my kids, and in the same house as my parents, I went through a lot of emotional, psychological and verbal abuse at the hands of my mother, and a bit from the father of my children.  Every day I was told (mostly by my mom) that I was worthless, that I was useless, that I did nothing, that I was a bad mother, that no one would love "an obese mother of 4", that I was "a poor excuse for a mother, daughter, woman and human being"... and so on.  For 15 - almost 16 - years I endured this on a daily basis, over and over.  No one to come and help me.  No one to protect me.  No one to stand up for me.  Graydon (my ex, father to my 4 children) decided that it was easier to cheat on me than stand beside me.  So his not wanting me just reinforced what my mother was saying, and made all her hurts become truth.  This is what I realized the other day.  Not only did I absorb all the lies, and the hurts, and the abuse psychologically and emotionally and verbally, I absorbed them physically.  It's taken me a long time to realize that this fat on my body is, in a very very big way, symbolic (or not even really symbolic, but literally) the remains, or the 'scar' of all the abuse that I absorbed.  Like a sponge that absorbs water, I just took in more and more and more.  I have tried, for the last 3 years, to undo the emotional/psychological damage yet I am still carrying around a very physical reminder of the abuse, of the mistreatment.  And I don't want it anymore.  I don't need it anymore.  I refuse to accept THEIR misperceptions and lies and abuse and I refuse to carry it around anymore - not just emotionally and psychologically but physically.  In my mind, "fat" equates to "abuse".... and I am tired of carrying the "abuse" around anymore.  So, on Sunday the 3rd, I started a diet.  I wrote to the local OKC Freecycle to see if anyone has any exercise equipment they no longer need and are looking to get rid of.  Wes' aunt just moved in to a new apartment complex that has an exercise room, and she offered to let me and Rebecca come over once a week and use it with her, on her night off.  I am keeping a diet journal with an Excel spreadsheet and by using this website, which oddly enough I found on the 3rd.  I have switched my soda to diet soda (I will eventually wean the caffeine down too but I know realistically I couldn't do the sugar AND the caffeine ... I'd be tearing people apart around here  LOL). I have bought salad makings and having a small salad a day with lunch or as lunch. I am trying to make better choices and keep an eye on what I'm taking in... and I am trying NOT to have a lot of 'fat' in the food because I see it as taking in more 'abuse', and I don't want it.  I have been drinking a LOT more water, and iced tea (green tea with honey - mix - only 70 cals and 0 fat) or other herbal (non caffeinated) teas.  And I know this sounds strange, but I can even feel myself walking a little straighter - or maybe it's a little prouder.  Not sure which one.  I just know that I am not being scared, or apologetic or scared-with-eyes-down anymore.  I didn't deserve the abuse, I shouldn't have taken it on, it had no business becoming a part of me, but it did... and now I'm getting rid of it.  I now fully understand the expression "carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders".  It's what I have been doing for years except not just on my shoulders, but all over my body.  Every lie, every abusive remark or comment, every snicker behind my back - I shoved it down with food, and as the nutrients were absorbed, so were all the bad things.  
 
I know I have to do the work.  I know it's not going to be easy.  I know it's going to take a long time.  On that site I told you about, I put my honest weight in, and what I would like to - realistically - get to, and in order to get to the goal weight, it will require that I take about 2.5 years of my life to lose weight.  And if I am going to be here anyways, living, I might as well do what I can to lose it, be healthy, and not continue the abuse that others did, and to shed the abuse that I am already carrying around.

Oddly enough, last night I got an interesting call.  About a week ago, I had submitted my name and address for a raffle for a year at one of the local gyms (All American Fitness).  I was called tonite as one of the winners!  I couldn't believe it.  So Wes and I went tonite - just got back - and what it was that I had 2 options to choose from:
 
1.  Could have 2 weeks totally free - all access to all their equipment, tanning beds, pool & jacuzzi, trainers, dietician, etc ... the works... however, if I wanted to continue, it would be $399 registration fee plus a monthly fee of $80....
 
OR
 
2.  Waive the 2 weeks... start now AND waive the $399 and the monthly fee dropped to $65 AND I could get everyone in the family on the plan for no extra charge!  Also, if we have a problem with paying, we can freeze it for up to 12 mos, no questions asked and also if I'm having problems with a payment, to talk to him and we can figure something out.  ALSO, after we have been there for 24 months, the monthly payment will go down to $15 TOTAL (for all of us) for life.
 
So guess which one I took?   #2!! 
I explained about being disabled, and not having a lot of money each month (didn't tell him, however I'll be getting Rebecca added to my food stamps, and have her beneficiary payment switched to us instead of it going to her dad, so that will be a little extra a month that we will have)... so that's when he said that he understands, and about the freezing of the account, and if we really had a problem with coming up with a payment or something, to just go to him and we can work on something.
 
I just find it funny (amusing) that I'm looking forward to all this, and that I feel good about being on a diet, that I am actually fine with being on a diet and having to exercise (even though I'm not a fan of exercise) and even looking forward to stepping on the damn scale, even if I hate it!  I figure, they'll have scales at the fitness gym, so I won't have to really worry about getting a scale anytime soon - I'll just use theirs for the time being.  I am looking at going 3x/week, and right now they are open til 10 PM M-F, and then Sat and Sun I believe open til 6 PM however starting January 1st, they will be 24 hours!!  I just know, at least for the first couple of weeks, I'm gonna be hurting in places I didn't think could hurt!! 
 
So tomorrow, Wes, me and Rebecca will go and pick up our membership cards, talk to the trainers and dietician and get all the personal info stuff taken care of and see when we all start.  Since Rebecca also - finally! - starts school tomorrow, we'll go after she gets home.  (Wes also starts his classes tomorrow - busy busy.)  So it seems like some things are starting to finally fall into place.  Now if I could only get the finances working in my favor, I'd be in business!!!  (Been sort of brain-storming about that as well...)
 
Anyways, wanted to share my news with you all.  Granted its not a "Free" year (like I originally thought I was understanding it, but I misunderstood it actually), however in a way it's somewhat free (no registration fee), and at least its something we can fit into the monthly budget.  And I really really like it dropping to $15/mo after 24 months, for life!

oops... sorry, was bouncing between email and post... ignore the part that says "Most of you don't know - I think Ladi does, and Rici I think Ladi does, and Rici" ... that should have been the email ... didn't realize I had written it here...   ::blush::  wow... and I usually check the preview more carefully before posting...

Sorry about that!

Writestuff - I knew that water weighed a lot but I didn't realize it was that much.  I'm hoping that's all it is.  I almost cried when I stepped on the scale this morning.

I didn't increase my food intake because I haven't been any hungrier.  And, of course, I didn't want to eat more when I wasn't gaining weight.  I probably don't eat as much as I should.  I really do see how people can become anorexic.

Willow - I'm so proud of you for being here.  I'm sorry for what you've gone through.  I'm sure that it wasn't easy to realize that it wasn't your fault and to come to terms with that kind of abuse.

Pam

I'm here to remind people that you can actually lose the weight. When I started on this site, I had 106 lbs. to lose. Now I have less than half of that.

And if you don't think THAT'S amazing, our very own obsydian, who apparently isn't having a very good week ( :( ) has lost OVER 100 POUNDS!

We can do it, folks. You can do it, too! :)

No secret, no voodoo :) We counted calories, we got active.

You can do it, too! :)

Thanks, Hk. Sometimes it is so hard to believe - sometimes you feel like there are no demons you can't conquer -

That is one of the most important things about this site - The reminder that it has been done, can be done and will be done!

welcome willowraven!  you sound like you're in the right frame of mind!  that's always really good!  :)

yes HK.. i'm having a bad week/month/2 months.. worst allergy season in about 10 years for me.. i'm so tired of dealing with it.. i wanna move!  i'm serious.. i'm only allergic to a type of ragweed that grows in northern illinois (when i lived in southern illinois during college i didn't suffer from allergies) and southern wisconsin.. i can go anywhere else in the world at this time of year and bee fine.. but if i'm here i'm screwed.. it's really wearing me out.. the allergies make me feel like poopie.. and the medicine takes away that but i'm left feeling like a zombie.. the prescription stuff doesn't work as well at treating the eye problems i get with  my allergies.. eye drops don't work anymore (new development) so i'm stuck taking an antihistamine.. that does clear up all my problems.. only a month left.. hah.. it's been raining (which makes things grow. did you know that??)  and it's gonna get warm again (which makes pollen happy apparently) 

ok.. thanks for letting me rant.. :)

Oby, I think you should move to St Louis :)  Just my two cents ;)

Welcome Willowraven.  What a cool name too.  Sounds like you are getting things together.  Keep up the good work.

Hi WillowRaven,

Thank you for posting your story, it is very motivating and it makes me happy to know that you have people like your daughter in your life that will always be there for you when you need them.  I think your positive attitude will really help you succeed and reach your goals.  Congratulations on your new lifestyle!

Welcome Willowraven,

Thank you for posting your story as well. It motivates me and  to continue to be the best I can be. It's great to have your family there to support you. I like to add you as a freind to keep in touch. We both have the same journey to take and I'm with you all the way. Best wishes  to you on changing your life!

Does anyone else here do much business travel?  I generally travel 2 - 3 days per month and often go out to eat.  I often have trouble with choosing foods that aren't loaded with fat and calories and wondered if anyone had some good ideas on how to choose at restaurants when there is no nutrition info available.

I do pay attention to items that have info available.  I try to stick to salads and non-fried foods there.  I also will cut my portion in half when it is served to help keep me from eating the entire thing.

I'm travelling again this week to Dallas and there is an awards dinner Wednesday night.  I'm just looking to avoid eating too much.

Pam