Pregnancy & Parenting

OK.  Here's the situation.  I'll try to be as quick to the point but give as many details.

I'm 5 1/2 months along and work full time at an Ad Agency.  I've been here almost 2 years.  I started in May 2006.  In March 2007 I recv'd a bonus; and then was promoted 1/2008.   I let my company know I was pregnant two weeks after my promotion.  I have not cut my hours at all; but have been leaving on time instead of leaving at the normal 7-8PM time-  but bring my laptop home with me (yes-  it's heavy) every  night to work from home.  I have started the dialouge with my company about what will happen after my maternity leave.  We thought that me coming back as a consultant would be good for all, so i didn't have to be on site full time and can stay home with the baby.  Two weeks afterwards; bonuses were given out.  My whole department recv'd one except for me.   However, I'm not supposed to know that!  I recv'd this info from someone within the company that has full knowldege of the bonuses-  so I'm not questioning that information.  My manager has been dodging me to two days; and I don't want to start an e-mail chain of "Where's my bonus?"  SO this is the issue(s):  1.  How do I gently tell her I know everyone else got a bonus except for me without getting anyone in trouble?  I'm not even supposed to know they were given out.  Select employees recv'd a letter stating "You will be getting a bonus, but pls don't tell anyone becuase not everyone got one".  2.  Do you think I should have waited to talk about maternity issues after they were given out?  Do you think they think that I'm not a risk factor of me leaving since I'm pregnant and wouldn't be looking for a new job?

I'm so hurt and feel very burned by this company.  I love it here and have not been able to think about anything else, not even sleep!  I just can't seem to figure it out.  I've never had performance issues at all.  Do you think I should leave?  I can get a consultant position somewhere or work at my husband's company.  But the fact remains that I love it here and love what I do.

Tough situation, I feel awful for you. I hate knowing things that I'm not supposed to know, because I'm terrible at keeping secrets.

My guess would be yes, they're biased because you're pregnant. Maybe they're afraid you'll decide not to come back after you have the baby (lots of women end up not coming back, it seems) so they don't want to "waste" their money on giving you a bonus. Or because you'll be leaving your current position to be a consultant instead, they didn't feel like giving you the bonus. In any case, what's done is done. The question is, what to do now?

If it were me, I wouldn't leave. I'd suck it up and stay, at least for now, and I wouldn't say anything to anyone. Being pregnant doesn't seem like a good time to be changing jobs, even if the company hurt your feelings. You need to focus on being healthy and sane right now, and changing jobs is usually really stressful and difficult.

But, if you really can't function until the issue is off your chest, I'd suggest talking to your boss and saying "I am aware that some people received bonuses, and I did not. Why wasn't I chosen?" Don't tell her that you're aware EVERYONE got a bonus except you - just mention that you know some people did. And just say you won't name names.

Best of luck, and try not to get too stressed about it! As I've been told, "There's no place for emotions in business."

good advice-  thank you.  It's a tough situation and one that has a lot of emotional turmoil becuase I DO love my job and I DO love what I do.  I've always wanted to start my own business; but having a baby and doing that may not be the best mix.  But you really hit the nail on the head.  "Why wasn't I rewarded a bonus?"  That's all I want to know.  And if they say that no one in my group got one-  that's such a lie.  I am trying to keep my stress level down and not think about it; but it's hard.  And I will NOT let it affect my work.  I'm just sad.  :(  I feel betrayed that I put so much of myself and then got nothing in return.  It's not even about the $$  (although it helps) it's about the recognition. 

In the last couple of months, you have basically announced your intention to leave your current position, no? First for maternity leave, and then when you come back to work for the company it won't be as a full-time employee of the office, but rather as a home-based consultant. I figure that they (correctly) deduced that your first priority will be staying home with your child, rather than your job.

I'm not sure why your particular company gives out bonuses, but at some jobs it's a way of promoting loyalty/rewarding their full-time employees. I think if you had waited to tell them about your pregnancy until after the bonus, you probably would have gotten one... but you might not have been offered the consulting position, because they might have felt that you had been dishonest in order to get the bonus. The fact that they are willing to have you work part-time, from what I understand of the advertising industry, is a sign that they do value you - many companies would have said full-time or no deal. Part-time or home-based jobs are pretty tough to come by and often entail a major salary cut, the "mommy track" as it were. By putting yourself in that category, you lost a whole lot of bargaining power/ability to leave, and they probably didn't feel they needed to give you an extra incentive (i.e. bonus) to get you to stay.

I know this sounds harsh, and I personally don't approve at all of the way mommy tracking works - it's just the unfortunate reality, as far as I understand.

hi trust-   thanks for your post.  I thought about that as well.  I should have discussed maternity and consulting after the bonuses were given out; but I wanted to make sure they knew what direction I was looking to move forward with; since they can plan and staff accordingly.  There are lots of moms here that work from home part time and then come in to the office for flex hours-  as long as they get their work done.  Actually; there are two people in my dept who do this, one going out on maternity leave; and she in fact did get a bonus. (again-  I hate knowing things I shouldn't know)  So, I'm just chalking up to a life lesson-  I got burned. 

Vanessa1031:

I would document all the reason why you should be recognized for your work last year.  They promoted you at the beginning of the year, so obviously they had reasons to do so!  You said that you put in overtime at work, right?  Have you had any major accomplishments?  Once again, take a couple days and document these.  Once you are satisfied with the list, talk to your boss and present the list. 

 I would not mention that you know everyone else received a bonus.  That would open up a can of worms that could potentially be unpleasant.  But, defiantly be assertive and talk to your boss.  She should have a logical reason why you did not receive a raise, and this should be countered with your list of accomplishments.  Focus on logic.  This is the bottom line.  Even if you don't care about the money, the regognition does matter to you.  It sounds like if you didn't mention anything, this might build up and you would never know why. What is th worst that can happen?  They cannot fire you!  Firing a pregnant woman is the last thing a company wants to do, leagally.  Have you started FMLA? 

I agree with crazineko.  You may even want to approach your supervisor with an open ended question regarding her thoughts on your overall performance and whether she feels there are areas for improvement, without mentioning your intel on the bonus situation.  Generally, these things are discussed at the time a review is given (which typically determines whether or not a bonus will be issued).  I tend to believe that because no issues have been discussed with you prior to receiving the information on your bonus, that something else is going on.  In fact, a few thoughts come to mind...(a) maybe they're trying to force you out, (b) maybe they're trying to gauge your commitment to the company by placing you in this situation, (c) maybe they're trying to see how you react / respond to this situation...

UPDATE

Just met with my manager.  She told me no one else except for one person, (who I hired and Manage) got a bonus.  I explained to her that after all that I did last year (and listed specific examples), we should have been given them (did not elude to knowing what she was saying was not true.  (She, in fact, got upwards of a 20-30k bonus).   I'm sure she was instructed to say these things, but in the end; it still burns.  I'll be getting my increase in July, but that's when I'm going out on maternity leave, so it really doesn't matter-  and will olny be a 3-4% standard increase.  I guess I have a lot of thinking to do about where I'm going and if I'm going to stay.

$20- $30K bonus!!???? Good Gracious!!! I can only dream of that!! I would be absolutely positively PISSED!!! I'm not trying to rattle you Vanessa because I know you are due soon, but I just read this post and I'm shocked!! Why would you let them get away with that? That makes absolutely no sense for them to do you like that. Everything I read points to your favor so you should have just reasons for basically demanding a bonus. I'm also thinking that your company could get into some major trouble for denying you a bonus when everyone else got one. That is so unfair. Do you have an update on this situation?

Hi Nenewa......I know.... crazy, right??  I don't really have an update-  I recv'd my raise which was better then I thought and decided to go back as a full time employee as of right now for Health insurance purposes.  I won't start my leave until the baby is acutally born; so that gives me about a week or week and a half.  This whole situation has taught me to re-evaluate what is most important to me; Should I be so work-focused; or should I be more home/family focused?  There's a lot going on now-  with this economy; raises haven't been too great; there are people at competitive companies actually losing their job-  so at this point for me to pack my bags up and leave is NOT smart.  As for what I am going to do after my maternity leave is over; my intentions are to come back full time and work twice a week from home; since what I do can basically be done anywhere!!  My raise was higher than I expected and; some people did not recv'e much at all.....

I couldn't blurt out that I knew everyone recv'd a bonus; b/c the person that divulged the information to me would have been terminated.  And I really did not want that on my shoulders.  So, this was one issue I had to "suck up" and know that 1.)  I am lucky to have a job where I can roll in at 9:30ish and leave at 5ish just as long as I work when I get home for an hour or so; 2.) I am lucky to have a job where I can work from home on Fridays in the summer since we have 1/2 days; 3.) I am lucky to have a job in the first place since since its what I love and that's very hard to find.

Of course; when bonus time rolls around next year and I'm a full fledged mom and things are different; I will be re-evaluating my situation.  But; as it is now; I need to work; I couldn't quit; becuase really-  who's going to hire someone 6 months pregnant?  My options were very limited.  But what I did learn was; don't get attached to a company; and don't get emotionally attached to a company becuase they are attached to you in any way, shape or form!!

Vanessa...that is true everything you said. I understand but it just sucks big time!!! I have learned that too, to not get emotionally attached to a company. I've learned that your company couldn't care less about you when it comes down to it. I've also learned that you have to stick up for yourself because no one else will do it. So I hoped you've at least documented this situation thoroughly for the time when you may have to address it later. I've learned that you have to stay on top of things at your job because people are vendictive and will do crazy things to you if you let them. People may not like you for it but they will have to respect you for respecting yourself. Good Luck and I'm so excited for you and your baby coming soon. Keep us posted on what's going on with you.

I'm in the military, so bonuses are a strange concept to me, but I do know that if you feel that you are being discriminated against because of being pregnant,  then you have recourses that you can take. I'd speak to human relations or a legal expert, and get your companies policy on bonuses in writing, so that  IF this ever happens again, you'll have information in writing on what you are entitled to.

 Also, check to see if becomming a consultant negates your right to a bonus. If it did I'd imagine that they tell you, but you never know.

Good luck! Hopefully this won't turn into a legal battle, but if it does, stomp em into the mud!