I think you know that answer to that, if she was thinking about seeing him. she's going to. Whether your friends or not.

You're right, Julia.  It's just hard, as you said.  I need to tell her, but it will be difficult.  I just don't want her to think that I'm telling her what to do, because I'm not.  I might hope that she'd listen to me, in a way.  But mainly, I just want her to listen to her heart...  You can't help who you like.  And, I know that she didn't intend to fall for my exboyfriend, things like that just tend to happen.  Thanks

lol at gmules response but.. it might just be easiest to keep away from him from awhile. Eventually it shouldnt bother u anymore. Try and move on, find someone/thing else to take up the time that ud be spending with him.

And as for the friend.. I dont know. she should know to AT LEAST take it slow with him.. or wait a while, since u kno each other so well..

Yeah, she said that she would take it extremely slow...and she was being honest.  I've been best friends with her for about four or five years, so I'm not going to just give up on her about this.  I can't lose her, definitely over something like a boy.  But, I think I'll talk to her tonight if possible.  I just need to build up some major courage....

Original Post by gmule:

. Guys wouldn't do that to other guys.

HA! where do you live? Disneyworld?

Just about every guy I know has done that to their friends.

In Fact, just about all of them

Original Post by schnooder:

Original Post by gmule:

. Guys wouldn't do that to other guys.

HA! where do you live? Disneyworld?

Just about every guy I know has done that to their friends.

In Fact, just about all of them

 I guess my sarcasm didn't read as well as I hoped it would.

Ah, I've been in this situation before and I told my best friend that she could go ahead and see the guy I'd broken up with even though I wasn't okay with it. In my case, they dated for a while but it ended up not working out between them. A few years later I did end up telling her that it had bothered me, and she said she was sorry and I should have told her at the time, she was actually quite understanding. We're still best friends today because with time I was able to just be friends with the guy and keep my best friend as well. 

I'd say tell her how you really feel about it. Then it's up to her to decide whether or not she wants to go ahead with a relationship. I do wish I'd told my friend sooner that I'd had a problem, it was always really awkward when she was going on about how wonderful he was etc etc. Make sure it's in person though and not over the phone or IM. She should understand that he was your boyfriend first, and of course you're still going to have some feelings for him. Let her know that maybe with time you'll be okay with it, but at the moment it's still too fresh and you'd definitely feel hurt if she decided to pursue a relationship with him right now. But ultimately she's going to try and find a way to do what she wants to and if she goes out with him anyway, then at least she'll know how you feel about it and perhaps try and be as respectful as she can about it towards you. It does get easier after a while, trust me :)

Original Post by gmule:

If she was a real good friend she wouldn't date the guy you just broke up with. Guys wouldn't do that to other guys.

 This is stupid.

I'm sorry but no one has dibs on anyone. Your not with him so don't keep her from being happy with him, I am biased with this situation though, because I have been here.

I got with my best friends ex. They had been together for a year. I couldnt stop myself, I was already in love with him. We arent friends anymore. But I'm in the best relationship that I have ever been in and its been 2 years.

Things will happen, and sometimes you cant control them.

My one piece of advice- dont lose a friend over a guy. To her he might be worth it (because they have a future) , but to you he shouldnt be (because all you have is a past).

Original Post by gmule:

I guess my sarcasm didn't read as well as I hoped it would.

no, you should work on that

I can't say Ive ever been in your postion.  Ive been in your ex's postion a time or two but not yours.  What, I know is that from watching both friends and enemies who have been in your postion,  you can't hang on to them after you have let them go.  You just can't.  But, you can't keep this to yourself either. 

Sit down and tell your friend, that it is bothering you, but you don't want it to bother you.  You want her to live her life and enjoy that life.  You will not let this get the best of you and you will move on with your life.  You made your choice and now you have to live with it.  But, she was such a good friend you wanted her to know upfront, that there might be times when you act a bit weird because it does bother you a little and it will be a good long while before you will want to hang out with her when he is around. 

She will respect that.  So will he.  You can do it in a nonconfrontational manner that allows her the freedom to continue dating him while making consessions for your needing time to heal.  

I would like to add however, that it might not be a problem for long.  If your having problems like this, then she may just be his rebound and it might not last to long.

Hello ladies, mind if I chime? I thought not!

Well I think that you've been given some good advice on how to handle this situation. I think Kelien put it very well in that "you can't hang on to them after you have let them go". If you tried to you would only damage your friendship. In time feelings change and you may be able to settle to just being friends with your ex. I hope so at least. I think that a bit of time to your self, a bit of confidence building (which could easily consist of dressing up and going out. Take a look around and you'll see the boys eyeing you, and you'll know that you've got choices to move on if you wish) and you should be right as rain.

Hehe..... Schnooder, gmule.... yeah... boys do it too. But in my defense when I did it my friend had barely even dated the girl, they hung out drunk for about a month on weekends. About 3 weeks into it she wanted out and had to wait a month to make sure he didn't turn into a crazy stalker boy... Turns out he lied to me about how it ended (no, it wasn't mutual like he said). I had a year and a half long relationship from it and right now she's one of my closest friends (now she's an ex). As for the guy, well, we were vent mates (rooms beside each other in the house we lived in) and basically, a few death threats while drunk and sober threats kinda ruined any chance of that happening continuing. Not that I wanted it to in the end, dude was an anger management case not to mention an overall jerk. Oh, it's a long and fun story.

I hope things work out alright. Good luck with the talk.

My bestest friend in the whole world from 4th to 11th grade took up with a guy I had dropped.  It's a bit different because I truly wasn't into him anymore.  I had moved on (to one of his friends).  Anyway, there were many factors that led my good friend and I not to hang out much during senior year.  This guy was one of them.  I don't know if she was afraid he still had a thing for me, or if she was afraid I still had a thing for him, or if being around us both made him uncomfortable, or what.

They ended up married!  And 13 years after I broke up with him and she took up with him - they are still happily married.  So, I'm glad I didn't make a big fuss about it or demand that I have my friend back, because he's given her 13 years of happiness and will probably give her more.  That's more important to me than who I hung out with senior year.

She and I are still friends from a distance.  We email and such, but it's still rare for her husband and I to be in a room together.  It happens maybe once every two or three years.  I still don't know why.  I have no problem with him.

I've been in the exact same situation except I was the best friend.  She told me she had no problem with it but in reality it eventually brought an end to our friendship. 

She got more and more jealous over time, seeing us together, and started taking it out on me.  By that time the guy had become my boyfriend so I didn't know what to - I really liked him but I also didn't want to lose my best friend.  However, he made the decision for both of us and broke it off with me.  Turns out she had been calling him behind my back and telling him how much she still loved him, etc. and he felt really uncomfortable being in the middle.  (by the way, they did not get back together). I felt really betrayed by her actions and she had so much hurt feelings and jealousy built up over time (even though she had initially given her blessing) that our friendship was ruined.  We still keep distantly in contact, but now she is more of an acquaintance than anything, after being the closest person in my life for several years.

So I lost both my boyfriend and my best friend.  It's not a good situation from anyone's point of view.  However, I don't know that there is much you can do other than be honest with your friend about how you feel.  It's up to her what she decides.

I had a somewhat similar situation...but I never actually dated the guy.  The three of us were best friends in high school.  My girl friend new I had a huge crush on him.  I eventually told my friend I "got over it"...even though I didn't at the time. anyway, they started dating and I became the third wheel fast.  I was pretty bitter about it...esspecially since I was starting to like a guy who was off limits because she had previously "loved" him(oh how I miss high school drama!!!).  While it did permenantly damage our relationship(much more distant...less close), I don't regret not telling them the truth.  They are still together and I am now happily married.  You will find someone else soon enough.  Whatever you choose to do, try not to let it come between the three of you.

Original Post by lifeizsweet:

If you had a problem with it why did you lie? You've given her your blessing, and you can't go back and say that you've changed your mind?

She had caught me off guard when she told me, and I hadn't had time to really think it through.  It's no excuse, I know.  But, once I got home, I had several days to really think about it.  It was really all that I could think of, and then I knew that it was really bothering me.  Now, I'm in a mess, I know :/

Thank you all for helping me out, I'm planning on telling her tonight whenever we'll actually have some time to talk (since today is a busy day...).  But, I can't wait any longer.