Motivation

About a week ago I had a nervous breakdown because I decided I was fat.  I just moved and have not been able to work out due to the new job and the fact that I can't afford a gym membership right now.  I don't have a scale, but after putting on a pair of pants, I had an absolute breakdown.

My pants (a pair that had been loose before) were incredibly tight, and I spent the entire afternoon in tears.  I called my mother, my best friend, cancelled my evening plans, and basically was an absolute wreck.  I called myself every name in the book (fat-ass, disgusting, loser, etc...) and just felt completely miserable.  I recently lost about 15-20 lbs and had reached a weight goal.  Looking at this pair of pants in the mirror made me absolutely disgusted with who I was and what I had done to my body.  My lack of workouts and weigh-ins had added all the weight back, and I was devastated.

Anyway, I went home to CT for the July 4th weekend, and when I got there I decided to weigh myself on my mom's scale.  I was down 5 lbs.

As it turned out, my boyfriend had done laundry when I was at work, and had put the pants in the dryer.  It's kind of funny, but I am really disturbed about the whole experience.

My entire self-image was wrapped up in a pair of pants.  The thought that I had gained weight made me hate myself, hate my body, and made me become severely depressed.  I was so wrapped up in how I look that I couldn't even see my body for what it was - 5 lbs thinner than I had been!  I can't believe how much of my self-image was wrapped in how I felt when I looked at myself in the mirror. 

I don't think it is healthy to be this way.  I don't think it is right that I judged my self worth on one pair of pants.  I was so blinded by how they fit that I was unable to even think logically.  Other pants were loose, and rather than consider that, I thought "I must have stretched them out with my huge ass"

Anyway, I wanted to share because I have a feeling that SO many women feel this way.  How do you accept yourself for who you are?  How do you not base your self-worth on the size of your clothing?  Rationally, I know that I am not heavy - I am 6 feet tall and wear a size 8/10!  But it doesn't seem to matter. 

Thanks,

BP

BP -- 

I think many woman have a skewed image of themselves......  I do sometimes...    I have also found a balance between where I am now and where I want to be.....

This, this journey we are one, getting fit and healthy, is just that, a journey. Every daywe keep working on our goals, eh?  

Pants are just pants.   I get it though....   WHen I get to my goal, I will have that one pair of pants I always try to wear, just because I know it is the smallest pair I own.  It;s a good reminder...   It is easy to slack, just a little, and not compensate other places to make up for it....   I just got into my next to smallest  pair and they are loose, but the black smallest pair are still too tight to wear.   I will keep trucking along.  I love jogging with my dog, biking in my house with my mp3, working in the yard, working out on the Bowflex (A LITTLE--  like just arms), doing my arms and abs and fitness ball --  it;s fun and it makes me feel good.

Work out!   you can do all kinds of junk in your living room ---  want a list?  ( :      working out makes me feel strong and powerful, not unhappy with the machine I call my body.     Work on that part and you may find the image of yourself changes to meet how good that feels,   this got all long, sorry. 

I love how your story ends:  You've realized that your self-image shouldn't have anything to do with a singular pair of pants.  I think that experiences like this help us all realize where our self-worth comes from.  Then we can learn about ourselves and grow into who we are.

To answer your questions:
How do you accept yourself for who you are?  Like I kindof said above, this is a learning process.  Before we can accept ourselves for who we are we have to know who we are.  We have to be able to formulate our own opinions and ideas, we have to know what we want from life, we have to be able to set our own goals and stop relying on other people to tell us who we are or what we should think or what we should do. 

How do you not base your self-worth on the size of your clothing?  From personal experience, I know that accepting and knowing myself is an inward thing, not an outward thing.  I try to separate how I feel about myself from how I feel about my body.  To me, loving myself and loving my body is not the same thing.  No matter how small or large I get, I am the same person on the inside; I'll always have the same likes and dislikes, I'll always have the same opinions.

On another note, I think it is pretty natural for us to be concerned about the way we look, to want other people to view us the way we view ourselves.  Even though there are a lot of impovements I can make with my inward self (I could be less selfish, for example), I know that I'm a pretty great person and I want my outward self to reflect that. 

I think too many people try to "fix" themselves from the outside first, "Once I'm a smaller size I'll love who I am."  I found that when I started saying "Once I love who I am I'll be able to set the goals and meet the challenges that will enable me to be a smaller size" to myself, everything came together easier.  It still wasn't easy, but it was easier.

I hope this helps.  Good luck!

amen!

well said

this is an excellent post.. so i'm bumping.

i struggle with these issues as well, along with (i think) more than half of the female population. it's nice to find people to relate with. *tagging*

LOL --I almost said that in my first post.  "all women have image issues."  it seemed so sad  -- I think all people do to some extent. 

I agree, it is sad that most women have issues with the way they look.  I also think it is ironic that some of us see the way others look and we try to emulate that look only to find that that person also isn't satisfied with the way she looks; I try to remember this to help keep things in perspective.  It's like the movie quote (from Win a Date With Tad Hamilton), "Everyone is Tad Hamilton to someone else."  This also means that I (and you and everyone else out there)am "Tad Hamilton" to someone else, which is really an awe-inspiring, frightening, but confidence building idea.

Speaking of self-image and confidence, I just read this article (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25570259/).  The article is basically an excerpt from the book "Confidence Is Queen" which was written by Susie Castillo, a former Miss USA.  It feels like it is written for high school aged girls but I think we can all probably benefit from some of the ideas presented.  One thing Susie says is, "True beauty isn’t about how you look—it’s about so much more than that. True beauty starts from the inside. It’s the part of you that is loving, giving, positive, and contented."  I couldn't agree more.

Thanks for the replies.  I thought I was mature and confident, but the way that I reacted to this was ridiculous.  I obviously need to work on parts of myself OTHER than the size of my ass.

Thansk for writing though.  It makes me sad that so many women feel this way about themselves.

Working on myself - maybe instead of the gym membership, I'll get a therap membership.  :-/

Original Post by blondiepants:

Thanks for the replies.  I thought I was mature and confident, but the way that I reacted to this was ridiculous.  I obviously need to work on parts of myself OTHER than the size of my ass.

Thansk for writing though.  It makes me sad that so many women feel this way about themselves.

Working on myself - maybe instead of the gym membership, I'll get a therap membership.  :-/

Perhaps you said it as a joke, but I don't think therapy would really be too bad of an idea.  Yes, you realised that freaking out over this pair of pants not fitting was outrageous and not healthy behaviour, but what if it happens again?  It may just be a one-time thing, but what happens when the nervous breakdowns start happening more and more?  Going to a therapist isn't such a bad thing.

great post!! i think as women we are too focused on what we "should" look like and not enough on how beautiful we really are. and beutiful not just meaning our bodies, but our other amazing characteristics! i try not to get too hung up on looking like a celebrity, even though it would be nice, but it's not realistic! no personal trainer or chef for me!!

i too have that one pair of skinny jeans that i used to wear in high school. they are tight and stretchy and make my ass look fabulous....tried them on about a week ago....still a little too tight for now, but at least i could button them!! but i also have to remember that my body has changed some since i was 17 years old!! i'll keep tryin them on every now and then though just to see    :)

you got my point...

thanks, betty, for saying it so clearly....  body image is a complicated thing, no? 

here's to a better tomorrow!  ( :

Blondipants, maybe your emotional rollercoaster was not soley due to the fact that you thought you gained weight. You mentioned that you just moved and started a new job.  Both of those things are life-changing events and can be very stressful.  Perhaps you are feeling anxious and unsettled and the perceived weight gain was the final straw that set you off.  Just a thought.  Good luck with your new home and job.

What an eye-opening story blondipants...thanks for being so open and sharing it!  I agree with laura42 also - be nice to yourself for a while.  You're really under a LOT of stress, so your break-down was most likely due to an "overload" of emotions, not JUST a misconception about your weight.  I tend to focus on my body as the "thing I have control over" when the rest of my life goes crazy around me.  Maybe you felt that way and it seemed like you'd lost control, which can be very upsetting.

Just to share - I had a skewed body image moment myself a few months ago...in the opposite direction but still shocking to me.  I work out at my apt. complex gym, and a few months ago I did the eliptical a couple of times a week.  I'd been doing it off and on for 2 years (mostly off).  I knew I'd lost about 70 lbs (from the scale), but when I was working out that particular day I glanced at myself in the mirrored wall and thought wow, it's embarrassing that I'm so chunky-looking, but at least I'm trying to look better.  When I shifted to get off the machine I glanced over again and realized...the mirror was "split" right down the middle of my reflection and in a "funhouse" kind of way the image I was looking at had been nearly double sized!  I was really much thinner than that reflection had shown.  Still, I hadn't questioned it at all.  At that moment I was pleased at how I looked, but also nervous that I really had no idea what I looked like, and my body image was WAY off.  I bet lots of us have had moments when a mirror or a garment told us something that wasn't true, but our low self-images kept us from questioning it. 

Betty's post really struck me. I think most if not all of you posting on this thread are <40. I encourage you to tackle these issues now because it's all that and then some on the OTHER side of 40. (I've never been one to feel badly about birthdays...a good friend dropped dead from a heart attack at 30 so I always keep myself aware of the alternatives to another birthday. I even got mixed up and started telling people I was 48 when I was 47! lol!)

I'm not incredibly young looking for my age but I have been blessed with a few good genes. It does make me a little sad to know that the days of hearing that I don't look old enough for ___(whatever) WILL soon pass. I look forward to growing old with my husband. He's completely gray and very overweight but I still think he's the sexiest man in the word. I wish I could internalize that he feels the same way about me. He tells me often enough so it's certainly my head that is the problem.

I have the same issues with my weight. I think because my first husband hurt my feelings fairly regularly about my weight, I have a deep fear that my DH will stop finding me attractive if I gain. I have gained 10 pounds since we got married two years ago but he still calls me a 'tiny thing', beautiful, and sexy. While on some levels I can feel good about it, somewhere inside a voice says "imposter! fake!" And I'm afraid he'll think that too.

I think you are hot, chris!  ( :

I agree though.....  I thought wasting the first 30 years of my life being fat and trying but being unscuccesful in losing made me a loser.   It did not.  It made me appreciate FINALLY understanding how things work.  Self image is complicated.....I especially like alicat's example ---   and I love this quote, "I bet lots of us have had moments when a mirror or a garment [or a person!!!!] told us something that wasn't true, but our low self-images kept us from questioning it. "

Ain;t that the truth?????  when the scale makes me unhappy, I WILL remember how hard I am working and it will be ok!!!!!!!

OH -- and chris?   I hope my man feels the same way about me when we are 47!!!!!!!!

Thanks for all the responses.  And no, I wasn't joking about the therapy.  This experience opened up my eyes, and I have really been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching.

I think that it is really hard to be a woman right now - especially a young woman.  The amount of pressure put on us by the media, even if we say it doesn't impact us, is really incredible.  Our image of what a beautiful woman should be are the images we see in magazines whether we like it or not.

As I said, this kind of opened my eyes.  To be so messed up in the head that I convince myself I am 20 lbs heavier when I was ACTUALLY 5 lbs lighter is pretty significant.  I lie to myself (and people on the CC forums) and say that I work out and watch what I eat "to be healthy."  The truth is that I work out and eat healthy to be skinny.  This needs to change, or I will never feel good enough about myself.

Consciously I know that I need to get to a place where it IS about health, but convincing my subconscious of that is another story.  I can always find a flaw with my body, no matter what I am wearing or how I am looking at myself.

I am not kidding about the therapy, and I think that once I can afford it (ins doesn't pay), I will go that route.

Thanks again for all the input. 

And Betty, thank you for the response.  I taped it to my refrigerator.  (No body/food significance there, it's just where I put things:-)

And as for job related stress, I am sure that has something to do with it.  Money is tight, and adjusting my body to the new schedule, summer heat (yuck), and new apartment has been difficult.   That being said, this is not the first time I have had a weight-related emotional breakdown.  It is just the first time I have been dead wrong.

[blush!] Aw gee, thanks! I think ur hot too, Olivia!

Body image is tough. I can look back at pics of me over the years and some of them ARE truly terrible but many are not. Much of the time I only weighed ten pounds more than now. Thing is, I didn't know the difference at the time-- I always felt like my body looked really bad.

I'm embarrassed to admit it but when I went through my pics getting rid of the ex (boxed them up for the kids), I threw out the fatty ones of me so DH wouldn't see. Ridiculous.

I would like to see my self through the eyes of my bf- he says he thinks i'm sexy :) now that is the last word I would use for myself (not in a low self esteem way either) so I would like to see myself that way. I think we look to hard at our faults and not enough at our good qualities (GUILTY).

I can't stand seeing pictures of myself- my mom once told me not to look at them b/c I am not photogenic- that I look way better than my pictures (it was meant as a compliment of sorts :)) Plus a still picture gives too much time to overanalize and see the icks that nobody else would ever see :)

I could actually see flipping out about pants :)

Do you think guys secretly do this?

use clothes to measure my progress?   or refuse to look at pictures?

yes to the first, no to the second.  (maybe I missed something...)

and hey, BP -- nothung wrong with therapy.  It;s good to get healthy, inside and out. 

( ;  chris --  I keep all those fat pics myself.  Good to know where I came from and wehre I will never be going again!!!!!