thank you for replying :)

i know this is so freaking hard!!! thing is it seemed to work before (the whole restricting after eating more than i should have the day before) and i would go right back to my previous weight and i would actually from there keep upping say 100 to 200 a day...but this time it  backfired :( i didnt lose the amount i thought i was....that was .5...my first surprise was gaining a whole pound.....but not that much...i was confident about the 1,000 and getting back on track...but this time i only lost .2 grams.....im comparison to other times that id eat 1,000 and lose .5 in one day...i dunno now im all scared about gaining and all iw anna do is maintain! i had been maintaining on 1,400 with a completely sedentary lifestyle....but i wanted to eat more and was determined to do so but now im so confused :(....i dont think i could handle a gain  in the scale.....i really dont think i could....we'll see what happen but im soooo sure that if i do gain ill end up restricting even more than 1,000 and i dont want that! cos i dont want to lose my period....worst part about this whole thing is that 2 weeks before that i had eaten 500 cals only...and upped 300 a day....or 200....and i know this is really bad....and i really dotn want to do taht ever gain :(....

ugh....i wanna be able to eat 1,800 again liek i was before and lose some and then maintain....

we'll see what happens i guess ;(

oh and im 5'4'' hehe more on the short side

I've learnt to laugh at the scale in the times between what I'd consider my actual weigh-ins (a week apart). It's not humanly possible to gain a pound overnight in honest to God weight, and I factor in how much salt I'd had the day previous and (sorry!) if I'd made use of the bathroom that morning or not. I'm hoping that, in time, I will just be able to laugh at the scale full stop. I don't know if you've seen it, but keep an eye on the "Upping cals to LOSE" thread. I've been eating 2000 over the past week and I've actually lost a half a pound (which I don't want, because I have threats of hospital -__-) and I make sure I drink lots of fluid to combat retention and the like. Don't give up! [: You've come a long way in recovering already! If it helps, next time you get on the scale, laugh at it too.

thank you lalabanana!

omg i wish i could eat that much and lose! :O its really an inspiration to be able to eat that much and nto fear a weigh-in the next day...i would give anything to do that....i know i shouldnt be losing but that extra pound gets on my nerves -__- i know most people say its just a pound but to me in means too much :S its weird i know but i want to be able to stay at the same weight and up my cals (like i did in my recovery, reached 1,800 and everythign was fine! maintaining and getting healthier by the minute...) im not gonna give up tho...im gonna keep upping slowly...and not get stucked on 1,400 for weeks like i ahve now...im gonna go up to at least 1,600 by next week...thats my goal right now....

thanks for ur help :) and i hope you dont have to go to the hospital....i had threats too and i know how that feels...

good luck! -xo

You're very much welcome, both of you. [: It really does help to laugh at it to fight it - because ultimately, you're not defined by a number on a little machine on the bathroom floor. I still have to try and get through my goals to eat even more than I am now, which is honestly very uncomfortable for me physically and feels like the hardest thing in the world :\ I find myself short at the end of the day and get frustrated, because I know it gets me nowhere. I really think dairy may be my trouble, but with any luck I'll be able to experiment with alternatives come next week (after a GP chat). :] Keep on truckin'~

Throw the scale out, it is evil.

I have an older sister who went through a serioud bout of anorexia and bulimea during her high school years. During this time, I did alot of research about how the body can gain/loose weight. Your body, if properly hydrated, can gain and loose up to 7 lbs a day!! That's why laxitives work so well, because it gets rid of all your water and poo!

So, one pound is really nothing to beat your self up over. I know that is what you've heard from well meaning people before, but it's really not. Loosing grams and things of that nature is going to be difficult to gauge, so just look at the whole pounds.

One thing I learned about anorexia and buliema is that is is rooted in control issues. My sister's doctor told her to breathe and really think about why she was freaking out about her weight. Was is really the weight that was bothering her, or something else. She still struggles with her body image almost 15 years later, but she is doing better. Try not to stress about one or two or even 20 "bad" days. Just breathe, shake it off, and jump right back on your doctors recommended plan for you.

hey bananee, nice to hear from you again...

well i am pleased to announce that now I am eating about 1800cal a day now.. after I realized that I had gained from 87lbs to 107lbs on 1200-1400cal a day over the coarse of a year, I said enough is enough already, if I am going to gain, then I might as well be gaining on a 'non-diet' amount of calories... and you know what, the first week I went from 107lbs to 105lbs...  a few weeks later I weighed in again and I was 109lbs! then the next day I was 106lbs!

weight fluctuates, and depending on how much salt, food, or water you consumed the day prior WILL have an effect on how much you weigh, it's not just about calories.

for example, I could only eat 900cals one day and be up 4lbs the next, because maybe I ate 900cals worth of salted vegetables and water, so therefore I ate a lot of bulk adding extra food weight, and the salt retained the water... so in conclusion, DONT WEIGH YOURSELF EVERYDAY.

judge on how your clothes fit and how you feel.. so many pounds later and I can STILL fit into many of my extra small clothes... binging and restricting is counterproductive and just makes you end up feeling like ****, if you crave something, then have it, a small portion of it that fits into your caloric intake, and stop with this "i have to eat (X) cal", find a range... these days I eat anywhere from 1500-1900 to keep my metabolism guessing, I try to say in the higher end but always at least 1500cal... if I eat more then I will maybe add a little more excersize the next day, or cut calories by 100 or so, but I will NOT restrict.. this just makes me irritable, frusterated and more inclined to binge.

all I can say is that I feel much better then I have in years, and I hope that you too can start to feel the same as well and find a good balance

how much do you weigh now anyways? because at 5'4 your body may not be able to handle being your 'ideal' weight... work on eating properly and your body will stabolize at a comfortable heathly weight, and remember to love yourself no matter what weight you are, everyone else already does!

I've realized that it was me that stood in my own way to true happiness and inner peace. Once I started nourishing my body, excersizing regularly and learning to like what I see in the mirror, I felt the biggest difference. 

I'm am so overwhelmed with this diet thing! I'm 55 lbs. overweight. It's such a crush to my ego. What ego? I use to model. People treat you different when you're overweight, especially men. Where do I start?? Even when I eat healthy & cut back calories, I can't seem to lose weight!