Instead of saying no go for a lower calorie thing and leave half on your plate or take it in a doggy bag. 

For example instead of a cocktail go after a light beer and nurse it all night! instead of a ruban go for a salad or a tomato based soup. If they ask why you're not eating so much. Say "I just had lunch back at the office but i really want to come out with you. " That way your associates feel special and you don't blow your calories on something you really don't want.

Hope that help

I don't think going out to lunch or dinner with friends is "pleasing other people".

Personally, I wouldn't feel good about saying no to that. Making that kind of decision makes me feel like calorie counting is taking over my life when instead I should be able to make healthy choices and incorporate them into my current lifestyle. When my friends want to go out for ice cream I don't want to skip hanging out with them because I know I'll consume something fattening. My idea of "just saying no" is not getting the hot fudge sundae and getting the small frozen yogurt instead. Or just drinking a glass of water.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with what you did if you didn't want to go, but personally for me to make weight loss sustainable I need to be able to socialize and not let food take over.

Sure. But for me there are no good food choices for me starting dinner at 9:30 at night. I would rather politely excuse myself (even with a convenient overstatement - it was past my weeknight bedtime anyway) then throw off my personal planning. They are not trying to lose weight.

So really, I would prefer to be selfish. It's my body, not theirs. There will be other times to go out to dinner, and hopefully in the future at a more reasonable hour.

I already made a compromise at lunch (and of course I ate the sandwich open faced with a knife and fork and ate less than half the bread and substituted mustard for 1000 island) and that was enough people pleasing for me.

If I was in a maintenance phase rather than a weight loss phase, I will likely be willing to make more compromises.

I agree with you both ... durgy, I would've done the same thing if I didn't have calories left for the day and could work in healthy alternatives. I'm right there with you on your thinking - sometimes you DO have to be selfish to take care of yourself.

lafoutloud, I hear your side, too ... I hate when I feel like I have to make a choice between being social and eating right. Its all about making choices and learning to incorporate eating healthy into being social - although we ALL know that can be difficult sometimes. I think what durgy did was fine, because he wasn't turning down friends, he was turning down co-workers after having spent 4 hours with them in a work meeting that went until later in the evening.

I'm a very social person who equates eating with being social and happy and having fun, so there are times when it's a difficult decision to make. Yes, someday I'll find that balance where I can have fun socially without overeating, but I think when you're in the beginning stages of retraining yourself to be healthy & lose weight, it's super difficult and sometimes excruciating to say no.

Wow - and here I thought I was the only one experiencing this!! I am so trying to deal with that aspect of calorie counting!! But a little story?? In June I started being more social (after turning down night outs/dinner/drinks for about 2 months) and it was sooo hard!! I mean it would start out by me thinking about eating healthy and looking for healthy alternatives - but then time for cocktails?? And well I LOVE mixed drinks - you know the 'girlie ones' with all the fruit and whipped cream?? Yummy a drink and a dessert??  And just like tattooed kitty I am such a social animal - and whats more fun than eating and spending time with friends??

Tattooed you hit the nail on the head when you said we have to retrain ourselves - and it's really difficult to say no - but like durgy said - it's our body - and we need to remember that - I need to remember that - because no matter how great my friends & family are - they didn't feel the disappointment I felt this past Thursday when I stepped on the scale and saw that I GAINED...

So until we all can find that happy medium -of fun, food & fellowship - KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!

Social encouters usually involve eating for me, also.  I've been trying to find social things to do which don't involve eating - working out with friends, going to the park to play frisbee.  It's hard, and requires finding a somewhat different sub-set of friends.  I've also taken to inviting friends over for dinner instead of going out somewhere - that way, at least I control what I am eating (and save money!)

i think it depends on what type of person you are. if you feel that you do not have the willpower or motivation to go out with your friends and control yourself while still having a good time, then i say stay home. that's better than going and having a miserable night, and possibly making your friends' night less enjoyable as well.

but, if you don't think your friends will mind if you  go with them and sip on a low cal drink and perhaps split an appetizer (if you can stick to that), then by all means go out and socialize :)

I guess one day wouldnt hurt.  I understand you gotta be careful when you out your friends, or you will end up overeating, but once in a while its good to just do it.

Like 2 weeks ago i was camping on a beach for the weekend with some friends.  On the way back they were really craving for chinese food and talking of how mush they wanted it.   I trust myself enough now to go there, eat a moderate ammount of food, and then go back to eating healthy on the next meal.