Health & Support

Okay...Im new, i've been visiting this site for some time now, to see people opinions on the forums and to check up how many calories are in my food.....excessively

the distressing thing is that i've ALWAYS wanted to become a doctor, im interested in nutrition, health etc. and i LOVE science, anatomy, phycology, physiology etc. but i feel weird about pursuing that when i have so many nutrition problems myself (plus the fact that i faint ocassionally at the sight of blood) its been upsetting me

note that im 14 (4 months), my whole life/childhood i have been overweight, my parents have never taken action in ensuring my health, or encouraged activity. They are actually now divorced (i live with mum and my brother) after a really sticky violent domestic marriage, basically there, my father has autism and a drinking problem, very agressive and my mother developed depression, so they were always arguing, fighting, or too caught up in running their business to spend time with us (me and my autistic brother), clean the house or cook proper meals (5 outta 7 nights were frozen meals).

now, i can sort of half-diagnose myself and safely say there are quite a few pshcological factors, thats why i mention all this, its relevant.

i have always been worried about turning out like them, i feel the only reason my life is worth living is because i achieve so much in school, "i push myself too hard" but yeah i am a bit of a nerd, doing yr 10 child development and yr 11 math when im yr 9 suppose to be in yr 8 (im one of the 'youngies' born about 8 months earlier, so ill finish yr 12 when im still 17). its embarrasing, dusgusting and annoying living in the pigstye we did, having people look at our family like we ate, acted and lived like pigs, my uncles and grandparents always commented and i was judged in that way also. so i decided to do something about it, became a bit of a neat freak, all these things i think contributed to me being so controlling now, im really organised, stuctured etc. live by rules. Make sure all homework is done perfectly, the house is tidy, everything is planned etc. in one big routine.

But now its excessive, i was still concerned about my weight, it wasn't 'healthy' so it was 'bad' i was always teased, so sort of amongst all this becoming a control freak i started cutting out fatty foods, went on a perfectly balanced well planned diet (CSIRO well-being diet, honestly not fad, menu planner) with my mum, who i convined to do something about it. it was expensive, being a sole mother (with arthiritis, not able to work, shes a bit lazy too, attending university for speech pathology) raising two kids with minimal income, they had salmon, lean red meat etc. 

the point is i lost heaps of weight, the healthy way, i had energy to go for 6km walks. mum stopped it and went back to living like crap. i started getting funny when it came to occassional indulgance foods, then weird towards not burning the exact amount of calories and everything i knew about nutrition (and i was and still am constantly looking up stuff about health) i got worse and worse, now i avoid any processed foods, sugar, preservitives, salt, fat all together, only natural foods. im controlling over my diet, excessive calorie counting "okay, my BMR, all i need, is 1200 calories (which decreases of coarse as i loose more weight so i ended up rounding it down to about 1000 a day), so yoghurt and cereal has this amount, maybe i should have less yoghurt" and i'd plan my meals for the day the previous night in bed, probably what keeps me awake, the constant concentration. And if mum changes dinner by supprise or we run out of my planned breakfast cereal, it disturbs me, upsets me, i feel vomitty, a tightness in my chest and throat, i cry etc. im even getting controlling to the point where if my brother (whom is fat lazy and messy) talks, makes a mess or does something that is 'annoying/not normal' i shout at him and get fustrated. i notice i feel that sickness when i get stressed about something aswell.

ANYWAYS (sorry for this being so long...) im 14 4 months, weigh 46 kg (rounded up), or after fasting from early lunch to late dinner 45kg (about 100 pounds i think) and 162cm tall (around 5 foot 3). If i increase what i eat i need to be more active, but it's winter in Australia, and i've developed (either from loosing heaps of weight or from genes, im finding out 31 july) bradicardia disease or something, a really slow heart, so i get cold easy and dizzy if i jog. i want a lifestyle i can maintain, not binge on excercise when i feel guilty. so i only want to eat what i need, im affraid of putting on weight, or adding fat to the natural female layer thats already there that i havent been able to get rid of.

Basically i want to know whats wrong with me, i would say its me being a control freak and developing an eating disorder. whats your opinion on my stats in comparison to other 14 year olds? what should i weigh? what should i eat? more importantly ive tried and failed, how can i combat this? (remember i feel repulsed by high calorie foods and have a very small stomach capacity) and finally, just out of curiosity, is there anything bad about me drinking 1.5 teaspoons of decaf, no sugar w/ a drizzle of milk (pretty black) like stain your teeth, give you any unneeded stuff etc.?

-thankyou in advance :P

Hello there.  I think you know you've got a problem.  There seem to be some good reasons why you'd have a problem rather than it being totally irrational.  You're under stress, maybe a little depressed, you're not very well with the bradycardia and it doesn't sound like you're getting much in the way of support.  Eating so little isn't helping either your medical condition or how you feel about things.  You're trying to keep things together and  look after yourself best you can but it's a lot to cope with and it sounds like it's gone a little over the top.  I think you need some outside intervention, a little professional help and guidance to get you gently back on the right track.  You sound like a sensible young person and I think you'd benefit with the right help

Talk in the first instance to your mother.  Tell her how you feel and what's been going on and ask if she'll book you an appointment with your doctor.   Even the most competent parent in the world can be thrown way out of their depth by serious problems like eating disorders.  Alternatively, talk to a teacher or school nurse or other adult that you trust.  If you catch this early enough you'll be able to get yourself treated and look forward to a healthy life so that you can go on and realise your ambition.  And a doctor that's been sick is probably a much better doctor.... So do get some help.  Best of luck

Well, you've got a BMI of 17 which classifies you as officially underweight. I agree with gi-jane and I do think you need to speak to your GP or equivilant.

Sorry to do this, and compare myself however I'm going to do it- I developed an eating disorder and I told my school nurse and school councillor. Although I realised that this wasn't all a game and it was infact NOT all under my control.

 I didn't want anything to be done about it. I was in denial. I went to my GP and he referred me to the child adolescent and family services where I met up once a week with a "case worker" or psychatrist who assesed me. I was referred once again to a nutritionist.

It sounds awful to go through so much fuss but if I'm totally honest- it was the best decision of my life to go to those appointments. I am not recovered yet but I am getting there and I am so thankful that somebody noticed early on that I had a problem.

I urge you to speak to someone and if you can't talk to your family, try your school or even a helpline such as the eating disorders association or childline.

Send me a message if you need to. We're around the same age (I'm 15) and I feel that if you need someone to understand or just to release some emotions I'm here!

Good luck and remember the hardest thing is getting over denial and asking for help.