Maintaining

I need to ask for a favor of sorts.

Let me start at the beginning . . . I'm recovering from an eating disorder (anorexia and bulimia) and its an ongoing process. I've had an ED for over 10 years, and I believe I am the healthiest now, both mind and body, that I have been in a LONG time. I'm at a healthy size (I don't weigh myself anymore) and would like to stay here . . . yet, I keep having this anxiety creeping up. I don't trust my body, though I should. I'm afraid I'm eating too much. I get scared when I get hungry. And I don't want to relapse.

What I need: I need an outside source to tell me I'm not crazy, to tell me that my lifestyle looks perfectly healthy and that my body is not going to rebel. Can I ask for that?

Yes, its crazy, but I don't use Calorie-Count for counting calories, only for the forums. I used to be totally obsessed with numbers, and I cannot count the calories I am eating, or the calories I'm burning. That's part of the reason why I need a second opinion.

Let me lay everything on the table . . .

My typical diet:

Breakfast- Bagel or brown rice, peanut butter or eggs, yogurt, and coffee

Lunch- (I eat lunch at school, so I don't have a lot of control over it, though it is pretty healthy) .. . Fish or seaweed soup, white rice, small-ish serving of meat or fish, serving of veggies, serving of kimchi

Snack- Coffee, banana or other piece of fruit, cheese slice, and sometimes a small cookie or caramel candy

Dinner- Small-ish serving of meat or fish, serving of starch (usually rice, potatoes, or pasta)- about 1/3 of a normal-sized plate, serving of veggies

Dessert- Watermelon or other fruit

My typical exercise:

I walk to and from work everyday, about 30 minutes each way

Around 30 minutes of exercise everynight, usually yoga, running, or cycling. Weekends off, though I usually ending up dancing a lot.

I also have a pretty active job . . . I'm an elementary teacher, so my day usually involves chasing munchkins, dancing, cleaning up vomit, etc . . .

So what do you think? Do I have reason to be concerned, or is my anxiety totally unfounded? I need some outside feedback.

Thanks :(

politica

Oh, and there's usually a splash of olive oil in there somewhere . . .

My benchmarks for a 'healthy lifestyle' would be....

1. Good food and regular meals plus the occasional 'not-quite-so-healthy' treat along the way

2. Gentle exercise & fresh air.

3. Relaxation, thrills, laughter, friendship, love, tears, fun, frustration, job satisfaction...  the full human experience.

4. A splash of olive oil :-)

I'd say you're hitting all the marks better than most.  Well done and keep smiling.

You might want to check out something-fishy.org -- they have a Recovery forum on there.
I've found some good support for ED stuff over there, they don't talk about food or numbers, but they will give you lots of tips on recovery, anxiety, emotions, etc.

You and I are similar - I have had anorexia for 10 years (going on 11), studying to be an elementary teacher. Very active as well. I am doing the best I have been in 10 years, BY FAR. My brother who hasn't seen me in about a year made a "body comment".

"You finally have some meat on your bones."

I'm sitting back going...my BMI is barely 18...does that make me fat? I'm all panicked now, even though logically I know that isn't what he meant. I think little things really set us off sometimes. If nothing else I would say you could likely add to your meal plan a bit. I know I have...even though it is really hard some days.

Good luck with recovery!