Weight Loss

Let me begin by saying I adore my future mother-in-law. She is one of the kindest, most giving people I have ever met, and that is why I would really like to be able to help her. She is obese, I would guess between 250-275 lbs at about 5'2'' and she has type II diabetes. She is also partially disabled due to a car accident several years ago. I believe she suffered a back or disc compression? Anyways, since then she is pretty much in constant pain and has a hard time doing anything for long periods of time so exercise is almost impossible for her. She also has very bad knees.

Mom is currently trying to lose weight through NutriSystem and adding what little exercise she can, about 10 minutes or so. She recently told me how she is really looking forward to having grandkids in a few years, but that the way her life is now is not the way she envisioned it would be when grandkids finally do arrive and that is why she is really trying to get healthy. She would also like to lose some weight before her son's wedding.

How can I help her to lose weight and get healthy? Mom lives alone and doesn't cook at all and I'm not exaggerating when I say that - she uses her oven for storage and her counter is rarely cleared. Here is what I would like to propose to her, but I really don’t know how practical or feasible it is or how she would even take the suggestion. I would be willing to prepare homemade meals for her and freeze them so she would always have a stock of healthy meals and I would include the nutrition information to the best of my ability. She would be in charge of filling out the rest of her day with fresh produce, but nothing she would really have to cook. I just don’t think she will be able to stick with NutriSystem because the food isn’t very good (she’s said so herself) and the program doesn’t really teach people how to make changes in their life.

This would be a lot of work for me and I couldn’t afford to do it for free, but it’s about the best thing I can think of that would really be helpful considering her lifestyle and preferences. I would also have to research to make sure I am meeting her needs as far as her diabetes go. What does everyone think? Any suggestions? Sorry for such a long post, but this is really important to me and I felt I needed to elaborate. Thanks in advance!

Would it be possible to sit down with her and plan out her meals for the week.  Take her shopping with a list.  Prepare the meals at her house and freeze them in one portion containers.

This would make her some what responsable for her eating.

I know that this would be a whole day affair, but if you have the time it would be worth it.

It's a possibility, but she lives an hour away from me so I don't know how practical it is for the long term. My fiance works in the same town where she lives and I would depend on him to get the food to her. Thanks for the suggestion!

I think spoiled's suggestion is great.  You said the distance was a problem.  Can he go shopping with her, bring the food to your house to be cooked, and go from there?  Or do ya'll eat healthy? I know that half the time I cook, I definitely make more than enough for us to eat.  So, we have leftovers from some of the meals.  Not all, but enough that I get to not cook. 

And I am guessing but not sure that she isn't yet 65.  If she was, I might suggest meals on wheels.  I know they are big on making a balanced meal for those that are homebound.  Otherwise, you might be able to find another program like this.  I think the big thing is to figure out where exactly keeps her at her weight.  Does she eat healthy food but then binge on snacks?  Does she eat large portions of red meat?  What is causing this?

Best of luck!  I'm sure she's glad and is definitely lucky to have sure a great daughter in law that wants to consider doing what she can.

Liza - First of all, thanks for the suggestions. This is something I really want to help with, but I'm hesitant that I'm crossing the line so I appreciate the support.

Part of my dilemna is that I don't know that is causing her weight issues. I'm assuming part of it is emotional, but I have no idea how she eats or what her portions are like. I'm no health expert and this woman might as well be my mom, so I don't know if I feel comfortable asking her those types of questions. I want to show her an appropriate amount of respect and not do/say anything embarrasing or too intrusive that would damage our relationship.

Yet, at the same time, is it better for both of us to be a little bit embarrassed but keep her around and healthy for long time? It just seems so hard sometimes to take this route, since she is an intelligent, grown woman, and I'm pretty much still a kid (I'm 23). I don't want to insult her by acting like I'm the adult instead of her.

Anyways, sorry for the long post and thanks again for your help.

Wow! you really are a sweet gal! Hope your fiancee and his mother really appreciate you!

Has she seen a nutritionist or a diabetic educator? She should have received quite a bit of nutrition information from her doctors.. maybe use that as a starting point? Or talk to her about the nutrisystem.. you already said she doesnt really like it, so suggest to her about you helping her plan out meals..tell her that because you care so much for her and only want her to be in the best of health so she will be around along time for you, your husband and her future grandkids, that you really want to make the meals for her, and help her learn to make better food choices..  I'm sure if she's the kind, giving person you said she is, she wont take offense.

I'm a big believer in honesty being the best policy.  I know it's not an easy discussion to have, but she needs what amounts to an intervention.  You don't have to be mean about it or even harsh in any way. 

Sit her down and tell her that you adore her and that you want her to be around to help you with advice and wisdom when you start raising your own children.  Explain to her that with her weight combined with her other health problems, you're very concerned about that being a possibility. Tell her how heart broken you'd be if anything happens to her and how badly you'd feel about her grandchildren not getting to know her. 

Ask her if she'd be willing to go to a Weight Watcher's meeting.  They're very good at helping motivate people and at teaching you to make better choices about what goes into your mouth.  Since she's diabetic, you're volunteering to cook, and your husband-to-be will be doing the shopping, perhaps the three of you should see a good nutritionist - one who can work with what she likes and doesn't to come up with meals she can eat to help control her diabetes and her weight. 

I'd say that a big problem is the fact that her cooking tools are used for storage.  That means she's been eating out, sucking down the fat and cholesterol and god knows what else that comes out of a commerical kitchen.  Maybe while you're at it, you should clean up her kitchen and return it to a useful state. 

At least then she won't be eating god knows what from some restaurant. 

I know if someone cooked for me like that, I'd really appreciate it!

Here's what I'd do.  Start with the nutrisystem thing as an ice breaker.  Say something like "hey, I hear you're on nutrisystem. I was thinking a lot about that recently, because you said that the food wasn't all that great... well, I'm a better cook than that!" And lead into it.  I would draw on personal examples as well. Tell her about your weight loss journey.  Tell her that you care about her health, because you'd like her to be at her best when the kids arrive, not to mention many years into the future.

I would say to be honest with her.  If you are nervous asking a question, say it! Say "Hey, I don't mean to pry, but......" or "I'm not even sure if this is an appropriate question, but...."

Then maybe go with her to consult a dietician or doctor, or at least sit down with her and go over the tools here on CC, showing her what her caloric needs are, etc.

I would say in the beginning, sit down and plan a menu, and do a lot of different planning/talking, but in the future, it probably wouldn't be so necessary as things settle into a routine.

Wendy - It really struck me when you said that she won't take offense if she's the kind person I've said she is -- you're absolutely right. Even if this doesn't work out, I think she'll be very gracious when I finally do bring it up.

Morrighus - Do you have any suggestions on how to locate a good nutrionist? I've been thinking about consulting the one at my local grocery store (hy-vee) to help me and my fiance, but wasn't sure what kind of credentials to look for or what a reasonable price range would be. I wasn't sure if that kind of visit would be covered by health insurance either. Oh, and by the way, I almost died when you suggested helping clean up her kitchen, lol. If only you knew this woman and her 'lifestyle'. I know she eats out some, but honestly, if the stove was empty I doubt she'd use it. It's the microwave all the way for her!

Tyrdrop - The reason I even thought of doing this is because I kind of already do it for my fiance's grandma and she really loves it. Usually I just cook up a freezerful of tupperware meals for her for birthdays, mother's day, etc. so she doesn't have to cook for herself and it'll taste better and be better than the frozen meals she buys.

To everyone - thanks for the suggestions, I really appreciate it! I'm going home to visit my own mother this weekend and I think I will pull my mini freezer out from storage in her basement and take it back to my apartment with me. I don't know where I'll put, lol, but I'm sure it'll come in very handy for getting a couple weeks worth of food together! Thank goodness I like to cook!

It sounds like healthy, frozen meals would help her out a lot - but it is a difficult subject to broach.  All the suggestions above are really good, but I know that I'm really shy and would probably not be able to say anything.

What I would do is start making extra food and sending "leftovers" with my husband to give to her as gifts.  He can drop them off after work and make it no big deal.  When she likes them, I would have him bring it up.  He could say something like "why are you spending money on that yucky food?  My wife loves to cook and she could use the extra money" 

 

Just another small suggestion as far as exercise is concerned.  Water aerobics is a great alternative to conventional exercise.  The buoyancy of your body ensures little to no impact on the knees and joints plus it's actually a super workout for individuals who normally wouldn't be working out very much if at all.  Your mother-in-law might try checking with the local YMCA or even consider investing in an above ground pool. 

Good Luck!

jdrager, let us know how it all works out!

As far as finding a nutritionist, ask your doctor for a reference for one in her area, or get her to ask her doctor. If she's seeing someone regularly about her diabetes, they more than likely work with one or several nutritionists on a regular basis and can probably give you a referral to someone that they trust.

How would she react to you inviting her over to your place once a week or every couple of weeks? She could see how you cook, what you cook, and the portion sizes you and your husband eat. Maybe it'll turn on that little light bulb and she'll start realizing how she needs to change her own eating habits. Hopefully, she would approach you and ask for help planning meals. But if she doesn't, you can still send some left overs back home with her and eventually ease into that talk you need to have.

jldrager, just wondering how everything went...Are you making her meals now? Is she doing any better with her health? Hope so :)

Jldrager, I spoke with the individual in question (I am the infamous fiance) this evening.

In the two months she's been on Nutrisystem, she's lost ten pounds.  That's very disappointing to her, as the food is terrible (she offered more of it to me tonight to bring home, which I politely declined).

As for the dietary concerns, she says it's entirely regulated by medication - no insulin needed.  As long as she doesn't load up on the sugar (i.e., exercises common sense), she doesn't need to worry about the diabetes.

She is looking into a "Matol" diet; apparently her eye doctor lost 40-50 pounds on it in 3 months and so far has kept it off.  The thing holding her back from immediately jumping to that is the price - $540ish a month.

As for those suggestions involving her going out into public, I'd say that's probably not a likely solution.  She has never had a very active social life, and once my parents divorced a few years back, she rarely goes out to a social function.  While we've been trying to work on that as well, I don't thing she'll take well to changing both her weight and social habits at once.

Original Post by drage13:

As for those suggestions involving her going out into public, I'd say that's probably not a likely solution.  She has never had a very active social life, and once my parents divorced a few years back, she rarely goes out to a social function.  While we've been trying to work on that as well, I don't thing she'll take well to changing both her weight and social habits at once.

 If you have a YMCA or senior center with pool nearby, I would try to get her signed up for a water aerobics class, as someone already suggested. These groups can be so great for an older person who has limited mobility and little social life. My mom never got involved in exercise until she had a heart attack and started rehab--and she just loved going to work out and seeing other older folks (not necessarily old, just not the usual "gym crowd."

Good luck to both you and your lovely girl; the two of you sound very compassionate and I expect your lives will be blessed by the blessings you seem so able to share with others.